Doctor of Pharmacy Application

Hello!

I am looking for some feedback on the content as well as errors in my personal essay for the Doctor of Pharmacy Application. Thanks in advance!

pursuing the Doctor of Pharmacy degree

Topic: Why did you select pharmacy as a career and how does the Doctor of Pharmacy degree relate to your immediate and long-term professional goals? Describe how your personal, educational, and professional background will help you achieve your goals. The personal essay is an important part of your application for admission and provides you with an opportunity for you to clearly and effectively express your idea.

In elementary school, parents, teachers and adults always ask the children "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Some would reply "police officer", "teacher" or "scientist", but I never had an immediate answer. I would always change my mind and change my dream career to what some of the others would say but in reality, I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life at 5-years old.

As a child growing up, I was interested in science. My parents bought me wacky lab kits and books about how science is present in our everyday lives, but my interest in the sciences took flight when I took general chemistry my sophomore year in high school. I thought it was fascinating how a simple collision between a couple particles could change the entire chemical structure of a molecule and how they interacted with each other. This love of fundamental chemistry has allowed me to take one of the most challenging classes my high school had offered: AP Chemistry, as well as 3 other AP classes. I've never been so excited to start a school year in my life.

AP Chemistry was full of 3-hour labs, long lectures and weekly practice tests even 2 weeks before school actually started. Although the year was long and hard, taking the class gave me the opportunity to tutor general chemistry and eventually mathematics to underclassmen for two years at my high school. It wasn't until the end of my senior year when I had realized what I wanted to do for a career. After my last tutoring session, a student whom I have been tutoring for math and chemistry had told me that he started the first few weeks in Chemistry with a low C, but he ended the year with an A- and wanted to personally thank me for the help and for showing him this capacity to learn. This volunteer opportunity has allowed me to develop close interpersonal relationships with these students and it was an extremely gratifying experience to sit down with these students and teach them a subject that I was so passionate about. Since then, I knew that I wanted a career where I had the opportunity to learn more about chemistry but also to create interpersonal relationships with others to educate them.

It wasn't until my senior year when I was exposed to the workings of the human body in Anatomy and Human Physiology. It was an amazing experience to learn about the workings of the different systems in various species as well as see how diseases and illnesses affect the organism. During the last month of school, I had the chance to attend a cadaver lab at George Fox University. There was a male cadaver who died of natural causes but had taken various supplements and medications throughout his lifetime because it was clear to see various parts of the body was affected like the kidney. Since then, I had fallen in love with the medical field and it wasn't until that summer while I was looking at different careers that I had discovered pharmacy. A career in pharmacy had everything that I was looking for in a career: the more intimate relationship between the patient and the pharmacist, the chemistry aspect of the medical professional and the constant learning environment to improve outdated treatments.

And although the journey will be long and difficult, I believe that with dedication and perseverance, I can create a strong foundation of understanding of basic topics such as chemistry and learn more about what the career entails in Bio-Health Sciences as well as Pre-Pharmacy Society at Oregon State University. By pursuing the Doctor of Pharmacy degree, I would fulfill my goals in learning more about the human anatomy under a professional program as well as my long-term goals to create interpersonal relationships with my future patients so that I can provide the most effective treatment and improve the overall health of the public.

Hi @sakimminji1004 , I have read the whole of your essay. Actually I get your point, but there are several sentence structure that you have to fix for make it better.

1. First paragraph: The most popular question when children occupied in elementary school are........
2. Second paragraph: When I was a child, I had interrested in science ...................... (Bacause was interrested ----> "passive" different meaning)
how science is present in our ..... --------> How science effects in our live
I thought it was fascinating ....... ---------> Double verb
3. Last paragraph
And although the journey will be long and difficult, I believe that with dedication and perseverance ----> I realize that it will be a long and hard way, but I believe that dedication and perseverance will support me in order to create foundation for understanding all the subjects.

Then for question describe your personal, try to explain it deeply.
Overall, it is quiet good. Fighting!

Sara, skip the part about being a 5 year old. That takes focus away from the relevant parts of your personal statement. Start with the paragraph that discusses how your love for Chemistry grew in high school instead. Chronicle the development of this interest by discussing everything that led up to your being able to attend the cadaver lab. When you get to that part, you need to fully explain how the sight of the human body and the effects of medicines on it helped to influence your desire to become a pharmacist. That is not clear in that paragraph so the way the paragraph is set up now leaves it uninformative and incomplete. I have a problem with the way you discuss the tutoring portion as your professional background. This does not have a direct relation to your interest in Pharmacy aside from you helping others learn about equations and the like. It does not add merit to your application as having a direct influence in your desire to become a pharmacist. Remember, as a pharmacist, you might end up in the backroom, far removed from interaction with patients. So the discussion you present there doesn't seem to jive with the rest of the essay requirements. The cadaver lab works better in that respect. Maybe you should look into further developing that discussion instead. Overall though, the essay has the potential to help your application. These revisions should help you do that. If you want me to continue reviewing the essay for you, please register your revised version as an "Urgent" thread. Otherwise, my advice for you ends here.