Hi. Here are my yale supplements which are due on Monday. I would appreciate all the help I can get. Feel free to be harsh, because I want to improve my essays as much as possible.
1E). In this essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits. (Please answer in 500 words or less.)
My dream is to become a doctor. I grew up in Egypt, a country where the sick had limited care, and doctors had limited resources and a limited understanding of the patients' situation. My brother was diagnosed with a blood disorder that requires blood transfusions twice a month and constant doctor visits. He was diagnosed at the age of two months and has been in and out of hospitals countless times. I accompanied him on most visits and I used to watch the patients in pain, while the doctors were helpless. The limited resources surrounding the medical environment does not just include the lack of money to buy equipment, it also includes the lack of understanding and proper medical education that produces doctors who are not eligible to cure a patient. Watching all that I dreamt of becoming a doctor to be able to help such communities. When I moved to the states, my dream grew stronger because I saw a real chance to be able to help the less unfortunate in other parts of the world. I realized that I could get a proper education that others do not have access to and use that education to help them. In my English class sophomore year we had a project to choose an organization that helps the less fortunate and provide for needy communities and give a presentation on the topic. I chose to do my presentation on Doctors without Borders because I was fascinated by that organization and what they provide for people all over the world.
I want to be able to work with a similar organization. I want to use the education I receive to educate others in different aspects, so I can help improve their standard of living. The disease that my brother was diagnosed with could have been avoided and could be less widespread in Middle Eastern countries if couples learn about marriage tests and take the necessary precautions. Also doctors in those countries could offer more help to patients if they have a better understanding of their job. When I saw the way patients were treated in the US and Egypt I was shocked by the difference. In the US due to the doctors extensive knowledge and education, they are understand the patient's pains and try to provide as much care as they can to their patients, whether it is medical care or psychological care. However, the doctors in Egypt couldn't provide that to their patients due to the corrupt system, and the doctors' frustration that they cannot help their patients. I want to be able to help both doctors and patients to be more knowledgeable so they can lead healthier lives. That is my goal.
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? (Please answer in 100 words or less).
I want to explore the world around me. Even though I am currently thinking of pursuing a career as a doctor, I want to be able to engage in discussions with students and professors about a wide range of subjects from economics to politics to literature. Also, with over 800 labs on campus I believe that I will be able to get the proper preparation for medical school (if I decide to pursue that career). Yale provides undergraduate students with the opportunity to co publish research with faculty members and the chance to have a family away from home through their Residential College Housing system.
Please respond in 25 words or fewer to each of the questions below:
a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
I will take my baby sister to the pool, work out, get enough sleep and finish my homework.
b. What is something about which you have changed your mind in the last three years?
I used to think of history as memorization of dates. Now I understand that learning history is key to succeeding in the future.
[i]c. What is the best piece of advice you have received while in high school?[/
Teamwork is the single most important ingredient to success.
d. What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
I wish I was a better writer.
e. [i]What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom, that has had a significant impact on you?[/i]
Group discussions in my AP Language class last year helped me overcome my fear of stating my opinion and participating in class discussions.
If any of your education prior to secondary school has taken place outside of the country where you currently reside, please list the dates of attendance, institution, country and language of instruction.
Pre-k through 7th grade. Egypt. Egypt Modern School. English and Arabic.
Hello,
your responses here would be fine for most colleges. However, you are applying to Yale EA. The EA pool of applicants at Yale is extremely strong. These essays will fail to impress most admissions counselors as it is pretty much in line with what many other applicants will write. Your first essay for example, talks about your desire to become a doctor. I can promise you that about 1,000 other applicants will have the same exact story with many writing a stronger argument. Another problem that you have here is that in your first essay you say that you have a "strong desire" to be a doctor, then in the second essay you are only "thinking" about becoming a doctor while wanting to explore other disciplines. You kind of negate yourself in just two short essays. My advice to you is to use your free essay(1E) to discuss something else. Then utilize the second essay to talk about the open curriculum that exists at Yale and how you intend to take full advantage of it. The key to a great admissions essays is uniqueness. -Admissions Advice Online
Hope this helps.
