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'where I was and what I was doing there' - Short Answer for Common App


lambo1013 3 / 6  
Nov 14, 2011   #1
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(1000 characters or fewer).

Countless thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to comprehend where I was and what I was doing there. It was my first day as the cashier at the family store. I regret waiting until freshman year of high school to take this opportunity for it helped me develop as a person tremendously. By simply helping customers to find what they needed and giving back them their change, helped me break out of that shyness "shell" I had been living in. The simple "thank you" and "have a nice night" quickly changed into "how was your day" to "do you have anything special planned for the weekend" and other conversation starters that made me feel more than just some shy kid working somewhere. It was this practice that made me a person who is no longer afraid to talk to people, help them out, and approach new experiences. Working at the family store has become more than just a job, but something I enjoy as it helps me meet new people and learn about their lives.

other then grammer. is there anything i should change or add to it? is it elabroating on my work experience? thanks alot for your help

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 14, 2011   #2
I find you have very impressively presented how your work experience helped changed your personality. I also feel it is better if you can just add at least one more thing that helped broaden your perspectives or develop your skills. For example, you can say that this job helped you to be a more organized person or helped you develop your time management skills or taught you the value of team spirt etc. etc.
OP lambo1013 3 / 6  
Nov 15, 2011   #3
thanks for your opinion. i added an extra sentence but the character count is over 1000. its coming out to 1126. i tried trimming it down but i couldnt do it without making it sound all weird and unorganized. if you wouldnt mind helping me out,ill appreciate it

Countless thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to comprehend where I was and what I was doing there. It was my first day as the cashier at the family store. I regret waiting until freshman year of high school to take this opportunity for it helped me develop as a person tremendously. By simply helping customers to find what they needed and giving back them their change, helped me break out of that shyness "shell" I had been living in. The simple "thank you" and "have a nice night" quickly changed into "how was your day" to "do you have anything special planned for the weekend" and other conversation starters that made me feel more than just some shy kid working somewhere. It was this practice that made me a person who is no longer afraid to talk to people, help them out, and approach new experiences. Along with having an effect on my personality, working has also helped me develop my time management skills, since I work along with school and my other activities. Working at the family store has become more than just a job, but something I enjoy as it helps me meet new people and learn about their lives.
lisad717 2 / 1  
Nov 15, 2011   #4
I like the overall concept of your essay. You work a mundane job yet still develop as a person through it
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 15, 2011   #5
Hi Suhail,
I did some changes to help u with ur word count. See whether they do help u;


Countless thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to comprehend where I was and what I was doing there. It was my first day as the cashier at the family store. I regret waiting until freshman year of high school to take this opportunity for it helped me develop as a person tremendously. By simply helping customers to find what they needed and giving back them their change, helped me breakcome out of that shyness "shell" I had beenwas living in. The simple "thank you" and "have a nice night" quickly changed into "how was your day" to "do you have anything special planned for the weekend"special plans for weekend?".and other conversation starters that made me feelSoon I became more than just some shy kid working somewhere andIt was this practice that made me a person who is no longer afraidcomfortableto talking to people and offer help them out , and approach new experiences. Along with having an effect onThis not only changed my personality, working has alsobut also helped me develop my time management skills, since I work along with my school andneed to balance it withtomy acadamic and other activities. Working at the family store has becomeThis is more than just a job, but something I enjoy as it helps me meet new people and learn about their lives.grow as a sensitive and responsible person.

I want to say that I like ur style of writing coz u r good at giving emotions to it. Very good n keep it up!
OP lambo1013 3 / 6  
Nov 15, 2011   #6
thanks alot for your help. i made the corrections you suggested and it came out to 973 characters and it sounds much better now :)...haha thanks

and Malisa thanks too :)


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