Hie guys!please critique this supplemental essay,the deadline is fast approaching!
Here is the prompt:
Question 2. Share with us a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, blogs, magazines, or newspapers? Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.
One of my favorite musicians of all time is Dolly Parton, because her music has had an unforgettable impact on my life.
Growing up, Dolly Parton's album Revival could easily have been the soundtrack to my life. Each Saturday, my mother or one of her friends hosted what were called" kitchen tea parties". It is at these parties that I grew to love the music of Dolly Parton.
We had an old radio that played both vinyl discs and audio tapes. It was a grand machine with buttons and levers and even many more missing. It took pride of place in our small home, and stood helmeted in a mahogany chest balanced dangerously on two legs and a brick. It is into its insides that we placed beloved "Dolly" tapes, which were often chewed up by the aging radio. At that point, the well loved glorious country voices would morph into indecipherable squeaks. It would then be left to the children to unravel the entangled contents of the tape, to make sure that once again, the tides of songs such as "Yesterday" and "I will always love you" would rise and rise within the cracked walls of our small home.
These small house parties were as much about listening to the music as they were about dancing to it. We, the children, were often too shy to dance in front of the elders, so we would show off our moves in the backyard. As the contrapuntal country rhythms blared in the house, we would be hard at work perfecting our own routines outside. Our little, bare and calloused brown feet would pound the earth whilst our ultra thin waists trembled uncontrollably from the fevers of music and dance. We sang along in broken English with our clenched fists making for some pretty good imaginary microphones. And our clothes, being the rags they were, had developed tentacles that floated in the air as we danced. That is how we enjoyed the music of Dolly Parton.
At the end of the day, we would enjoy coca cola (a real treat) and watch the dust raised by our dancing settle against the backdrop of the African sun melting into the orange tingled horizon.Soon, each mother would gather up brood and head home, always whistling the refrain of her favorite tune from the album Revival by Dolly Parton. It was music that stirred the soul, and they were lyrics that you could store in your heart forever.
It is was at these parties that I grew to love the music of Dolly Parton. ( I think a sentence needs to be added here at the end of the first (very short) paragraph. Add a sentence that tells the "moral of the story," the theme).
We had an old radio that played both vinyl discs and audio tapes, and this supports my thesis because______( add to this TOPIC SENTENCE so that it tells the main idea of the paragraph, which should support the thesis argument).
I really like your description and reflection!! Those two ideas for the intro and topic sentence (above) are all I've got for you. Even if you submitted it this way, I think it is already impressive.
:-)
