'double majoring in Astronomy and Economics' - CORNELL

Please help me edit this paper! Its basically telling your academic interests and their evolution, and how you will utilize the Arts and Science college at Cornell. I'm 50 words over so if you see anything unnecessary please let me know! I will help you with your paper too! THANK YOU!!!!!:)

I plan on double majoring in Astronomy and Economics, with a minor in International Relations. The liberal arts program offered by the College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell provides excellent opportunities to study these subjects.

At a young age I developed a fascination with the questions concerning the origin, development, and nature of the Universe. It further developed as I began to understand the complex theories of space, time, and relativity. When I was little I loved visiting the Air and Space Museum and exploring the displays of planets and stars. Throughout my childhood I dreamed of becoming an astronaut and loved reading picture books on the Solar System and space missions. In second grade I wrote my first report on Mars, a planet which still intrigues me today. A few years later, I encountered the writings of Cornell professor Carl Sagan, whose book, Cosmos, opened new doors to big ideas and questions of cosmology. My biggest strengths are in math and physics, the foundations of Astronomy. In engaging these subjects, I can begin to grasp the power and implications of contemporary theories in Astronomy, such as the nature of black holes, multiple universes, possibilities for time travel, and dark matter. These theories are so extraordinary, that I have endured numerous headaches puzzling over them. The strong Astronomy program at Cornell University would be the ideal place to pursue my interests and questions further. Additionally, my analytical thinking skills and ability to use mathematics and quantitative problem solving will be a value to the program. I am eager to take advantage of the opportunity to be taught by skilled and knowledgable professors, and to take the fascinating courses offered in the Astronomy unit at Cornell.

My other academic interests are in Economics and Internationally Studies, hence my choice in an additional major and minor. My interest in learning how other countries operate also developed at a young age, when I spent a total of a year and a half living in Japan. This experience opened my eyes to the diversity of global society and strengthened my fascination for how the world operates. Throughout my education I have gained a firm foundation in history, global issues, foreign languages, and economics. I have developed skill sets in analytical reasoning, and can use numbers and statistical analyses to solve problems. This is a huge advantage as economics largely entails mathematics, through analyses, probability, and statistics. I have also developed strong writing and communication skills. Working in Economics and International Affairs will require writing policy reports, analytical reports, and other essays, and I know I can utilize my skills to accomplish these. I am excited at the unique courses offered in International Economics, as I can combine my interests in Economics and in International Studies to study systems throughout the world. I will take advantage of not only the courses but also the professors and the study abroad opportunities integrated into Cornell's Economics program. The rigorous program is a perfect place to pursue my interests and acquire the learning and skills necessary for a successful career.

Though my academic interests are diverse, encompassing natural and social sciences, as well as Mathematics, the College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell University would be the ideal place to explore these interests and secure an essential foundation for my future career.

1.


I would re-word to "Throughout my childhood my dream of becoming an astronaut stemmed from time spent reading books on space and the solar system; even dedicating my first written report to Mars, my favorite planet." Your original sentence is 38 words, that one is 32.

2.


I know you don't want to get rid of all of your details, but that's what it's going to take to shorten it up a bit.

3.


I would eliminate that because Cornell has more than enough applicants who are just as qualified as you are. They know that. Put more emphasis on how their program can help you achieve, not on how your qualities would help better their program.

4.


This is implied in your very first sentence. No need to mention it again.

5.


Consider eliminating this, because your audience (who I'm sure will know what economics entails, especially what their curriculum/program entails) will find this almost insulting and unnecessary.

6.


I think this sentence is not needed because again you are saying how you will use your skills to succeed in the workplace. If you want to keep it, consider re-wording it to make it say something about how their programs will either give you the skills to succeed, or how the curriculum will sharpen your skills.

7.


The part that I crossed out seems redundant because they know what you want to major in, as you have stated it explictly multiple times above.

I am in no ways trying to tear your essay apart, just trying to help! Good luck with your application, I visited Cornell this summer and it is a great school with a beautiful campus! Please take a look at my essay for Stanford the own titled "the winner coming out with her life!!" I need all the help I can get!!!

Squeeze this sentences, which are somewhat repetitious. I like the way you connect Cornell Prof. with your college choice, but I think you can, and should further develop this connection. Squeeze some details, choose only the most relevant, or important. Make the sentences more concise and informal. The tone is a bit stiff, I think. Also beware of spellings.


You don't need to repeat this.
Overall, it is a solid essay.

PS. Please comment my new threads when I post them also; I am also applying to Cornell Arts and Sciences. Hope that we can meet at Cornell!