Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


My drawer; Shalwar kameez's, Pakistani dresses, rainbow of colors and designs - admission for U of M


rafiquso 1 / 2 2  
Oct 19, 2014   #1
Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it

Please let me know if I did a good job answering the prompt, and any improvements I can make! Thank you :)

The bottom drawer of my dresser contains shalwar kameez's, or Pakistani dresses, of a rainbow of colors and designs. Gold beads and gems line the chest of every suit. The current fashion trend demands that they hang nearly floor length, so that you can't get away with wearing flats without tripping over the fabric.

From Quran Khatum's (an event held in celebration of the completion of the Quran) to Eid Al-Fitr, I'm always excited to wear my traditional suits. However, as a Pakistani growing up in America, I spend most of my days dressed in american clothes with my school friends. As a child I had no problem living in these two worlds, but as I aged, I began to lose touch with my more cultural side. After moving, I realized how hard it was to become established in a Pakistani community. As my suits and bangles collected dust, not a single weekend was spent greeting my elders with a smile and an "Asalamwaulaikum." I couldn't help but feel that something was missing. I use to love letting my different sides shine through. Coming to a school with not much diversity was incredibly terrifying.

As the months progressed, my family was finally able to start making connections with other Pakistani's. I finally felt whole again. I gained enough confidence to walk through my school and realize how lucky I was to be just a little different. With my shalwar kameez, bangles, and maybe even a dab of lipstick, I leave my house with pride.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
Sonia, your essay has room for additional discussion points. You should take us back to Pakistan when you could wear these clothes freely. Let us know how this community functioned. How you felt as you participated in activities that required the wearing of these clothes. Remember, you are supposed to explain the community to the admissions officer and tell him all about your place within the community. Right now, your essay does not do that because it talks instead, of the disconnect between your clothes and your lack of a community to wear the clothes in. That is not what the essay is about. So go back to the past. That is the world where your dresses belong and that is where you had a particular place in the community. Let us into that world and allow it to shine through on paper. By doing that, you will allow us to learn more about the world where you came from and how it may have influenced your current personality.
OP rafiquso 1 / 2 2  
Oct 20, 2014   #3
thanks so much! I wasn't actually born in Pakistan but I have a better idea of what to include now.


Home / Undergraduate / My drawer; Shalwar kameez's, Pakistani dresses, rainbow of colors and designs - admission for U of M
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳