Hey guys! This is my JHU supplement. Please critique it as much as you can I really want to have a good shot of getting in! I will return all the favors I promise because I know you're all busy and taking time out of your day to edit my essay.
TOPIC: Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials
Drawing is my guilty pleasure, which is not to say that I am any good at it. The doodles and the complex designs of lines and waves in my notebook never fail to arouse laughter in my closest of friends or gain smirk remarks. Although it is true that my portraits may appear disfigured and that my silhouettes are bland, I only compete with myself, so I don't worry about it. Every time my pencil strikes a paper with an artistic intent, I overcome my shyness and I gain a voice. My drawings become a medium through which I can communicate and speak without having to open my mouth; I can express myself and say things that I wanted to say. Furthermore, I draw to explore the bounds of my imagination and translate my abstract visions into concrete images.
At the opposite extreme, I battle time with my drawings, trapping this finite being within the cells of my gridded A4 sized paper. I attempt to conceal memoires, experiences, emotions, and friends, within jagged lines so as to never forget them. I attach my identity to every piece of artwork I produce, and even though they will probably never be showcased at an exhibition, their beauty will never fade from my eyes.
P.S. Do you think they would want to hear about something I am not necessarily good at but I'm passionate about? I'm applying for their biomedical engineering major so it's not really related to art.
I really like your essay so far:) The vivid descriptions really captivate the reader. I didnt find any grammatical mistakes either.
From what I've read, i see that your quality that is not addressed by your application is your love for drawing. The intro, which is what i'm assuming this is, is pretty solid. I don't understand the sentences that talk about attempting to preserve time, or the past. The concludin sentence follows the remainder of the paragraph though, so besides those two sentences, which at the moment seem out of place, it seems like a good start. If i were you, i'd move those two sentences, but use them to build some extraordinary concept.
That's really good if it's not related to engineering. That way it showcases your wide range of interests, not just pure math and science. GREAT JOB :D Can you look at my Stanford essays? Thank you :)
First of all, I think they would love to hear about this. It shows that you are a well rounded person. It also shows that you keep doing what you love no matter what other people say.
Anyways, I think the first sentence or two need to be reworked a little... I like the idea, but the first sentence sounds slightly awkward. It's as if I expect the sentence to continue on longer. Maybe something like this: "Drawing is my guilty pleasure. Not to say that I am any good at it - the doodles and the complex designs of lines and waves in my notebook never fail to arouse laughter in my closest of friends or gain smirk remarks - but (insert something you like about drawing or how it makes you feel or something like that)"
Other than that, I think this is a great answer. I really like the word choice and just how you wrote it in general.
I compete only not "I only compete"
I began not I have begun
your thought is orginized thats good
Really great essay, you not only show your passion for drawing, but you also show how significant it is to you as a person and I think thats what makes this essay great.
When I draw, I feel like I become a different person. My mind, which is addicted to mathematics and science, gets a breath of fresh air. It is challenged to operate beyond its comfort zone, making itself vulnerable to what lies within the artistic realm.
the only thing I see wrong here is the "It" starting the second sentence. Seems like you're refering to fresh air instead of mind with the it. But overall great essay!
Help me with my supplement?
You have written an excellent essay, and I enjoyed reading it very much. It really shows how well rounded your are by showing the balance you have created between art and math/science.
Just change "I only compete" to "I compete only", as Muhammad said.
Other than that, I think it is perfect. Best of luck!
PERFECT :) I couldn't find any grammatical mistakes and I think it's great you're displaying your interests in drawing as well. It shows you have a wide range of interests, not just pure math and science. And the struggle between right and left brain is a nice detail. Love your essay :)
Thank you! That means A LOT coming from such an amazing and talented writer such as yourself! I'm 100000000% confident that you will get into all of you universities and I hope to see your name soon on TIME magazine for some amazing scientific discovery ;) Best of luck to you! let me know if you'd like me to check anything of yours.
I like the many aspects of drwaing that you explore hear...from creativity/liberation to understahding more about yourself and others...perhaps there's more you could do, but so far, here're my comments
Good job with this, I like it !:) Keep making it better, and read it aloud too :)