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Drawing & Painting/ MIT - Pleasure


Millin Gabani 10 / 22 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

words in essay - 97


The sketching of pencil, scrubbing of brush and mingling of colors on a canvas give me intense pleasure; a pleasure that is ubiquitous everywhere and which lingers in each part of my body. Drawing and painting amuses me and it takes me to joyous world that I adore. My ideas and thoughts widen after I experience this delightful journey of art. While drawing or painting I feel myself as a completely different person with a new perspective and life. This gift of creative art from god is the best gift that I ever had in my life.

-Do I need to Expand?
-Also provide me with useful vocabulary as my essay lacks it .
-And anyone with any other correction is most welcome .
tacutamon - / 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
Millin Gabani

The sketching of pencil, scrubbing of brush and mingling of colors on a canvas give me intense pleasure; a pleasure that is ubiquitous everywhere and which lingers in each part of my body. Drawing and painting amuses me and it takes me to joyous world that I adore. My ideas and thoughts widen after I experience this delightful journey of art. While drawing or painting I feel myself as a completely different person with a new perspective and life. This gift of creative art from god is the best gift that I ever had in my life.

The sketching of pencil, scrubbing of brush, and mingling of colors on a canvas give me intense pleasure; a pleasure that is ubiquitous [ubiquitous already means everywhere, so consider removing everywhere] everywhere and which lingers in each part of my body. Drawing and painting amuses me and it take me to joyous world that I adore. My ideas and thoughts widen after I experience this enchanting (Enchanting sounds more like your entering a magical world, which makes it a better choice for art) journey of art. While drawing or painting I feel myself as an completely different person with a new perspective and (was the previous word meant to be on?) life. This gift of creative art from god is the greatest gift (don't repeat gift. Try something like reward or endowment) that I ever had in my life.
xamanda 8 / 21 2  
Dec 29, 2012   #3
I think the best part of your essay is that it shows your passion for art! One change I'd suggest, however, is to remove the reference to God. (Completely my opinion, I have no idea what admissions thinks about stuff like this and I would remove it just to be safe but entirely your choice.)

Also, a suggestion I'd make would be talking about art you've done. What are some of your favorite drawings and paintings that you've done? If you need to cut something out, I'd suggest some of the middle sentences. You open the essay with strong imagery and effective language. You've already shown you're a good writer, and now you can add more content.
essa07 1 / 2  
Jan 1, 2013   #4
it is fine.. it describes your passion for art.


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