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What draws you to Bates- Bates 2016 Writing Supplement

KevinG 2 / 1  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
What draws you to Bates? Consider the Bates Mission Statement (below) in your response (1-2 paragraphs).

Since 1855, Bates College has been dedicated to the emancipating potential of the liberal arts. Bates educates the whole person through creative and rigorous scholarship in a collaborative residential community. With ardour and devotion-Amore ac Studio-we engage the transformative power of our differences, cultivating intellectual discovery and informed civic action. Preparing leaders sustained by a love of learning and a commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world, Bates is a college for coming times.

"Don't let anyone or anything obscure your uniqueness." Throughout my life, I have always regarded this sentence as my life motto and have long been trying to let my individuality shine. This is why Bates' Mission Statement- 'We engage the transformative power of our differences'- strikes a chord with me. Coming from the other side of the planet and having never lived in the United States, I hold a considerable number of differences from typical American students. I am, therefore, delighted to see that instead of trying to 'Americanise' foreign students and erase our inherent distinctions, Bates is devoted to turn such differences into uniqueness by providing a truly inclusive and liberal environment. Such attitude towards international students enables us to integrate into American mainstream culture without losing our own identity. This, I think, should be how education works, where a number of different cultures and customs are mixed harmoniously on campus.

The phrase "intellectual discovery and informed civic action" immediately reminded me of debating. In fact, the first thing I learnt about Bates College is its outstanding Brooks Quimby Debate Council, with its mind-blowingly glorious history of defeating Harvard University and being ranked the 1st in the nation. Personally, having involved in Public Forum Debating at school for the past three years, I have found myself becoming increasingly dedicated to this demanding yet exciting activity. Debating has not only shaped the way I see the world, but has also offered unique perspectives from which I analyse an issue. I believe that by getting involved in such a club, I will be able to make like-minded friends from a range of backgrounds and, at the same time, improve my critical thinking and communication skills in an activity I am passionate about.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,926 3851  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Kevin, the essay really works for your benefit. It is strong and clearly reflects your understanding of the prompt provided. I would just like to caution you about bringing in the discussion of the Brook Quimby Debate Council in relation to beating the debate team of Harvard. Such a reference will not be seen in a good light by the reviewer because you are not yet a member of the university and as such, should not have an opinion about Ivy league competitions.

Along with that, you are making reference to an event that sounds like you are trying to flatter the reviewer in order to get better preference for your application. Discuss Quimbly instead in a manner that is more exciting to you because you have participated in debate activities in the past. You have displayed your desire to join the team in the latter part of the essay and that, should be more than enough to make your paper stand out along with the rest of your previous paragraph statement.

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