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"A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement"


DoaaHakim 1 / 2  
Dec 30, 2015   #1
Anyone correct my essay. I'm from a non-speaking English country.

"A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement" -Bo Bennett.

At 18, I was an ordinary teenage girl. I had my favorite movie stars, my secret crushes, and I probably ate too much chocolate. I will not lie; School mattered very little to me and learning even less. I worried about getting good grades in school, but only to please my parents.

All that changed the last year, when I participated in a student activity in my college, it was a turning point in my life. Actually, it gave me a goal to be achieved.

That student activity is named MESE it was all about the stock market, it was number of sessions followed by a 3 day conference, that conference was the practical part, it has been just like the real stock market. They separated us into 4 teams, my partner and I have worked hard with the team, and at the end of the conference they announced that our team was the best team among all teams.

Actually, those days have added a lot to me; I became more sociable than I already was, I tend to think carefully before making any decision and I have known the value of working in a team, but actually it wasn't a new thing to me because I have been a volleyball player for 9 years, so I do know the value of working in a team since I was kid.

I liked stock market because of this student activity, but I found out that those sessions and that conference are not enough, they won't get me a job. I need to know more about that field, I need to take more courses. Generally, I need to LEARN more.

Since that time I have recognized that learning is a very important thing to achieve your goals. So, I started to take actions to achieve my goal like taking and searching for courses related to this field.

My second dream or goal is to travel all over the world because I'm very curious to know more cultures and traditions in other countries and because I want to have memorable adventures, to meet new people with different cultures and last but not least, to learn something new or something I'm interested in.

I think I would be a great participant in this program because I'm an active person, I like to help people, I'm eager to learn and I'm very sociable; I like people and people like me too, I have a lot of friends and my relationship with most of them is very good, even if we are not close friends, so I think that my dreams, goals, skills and my character would help me a lot in this exchange program.

I would be a great participant because I have a dream I'm trying to make it a goal, and I applied for this scholarship hoping it will be the first action towards achieving it.
sdoubleh - / 2  
Dec 30, 2015   #2
I see the story and lessons you are trying to talk about, but the essay needs to be a bit more organized. Organizing it and shortening the number of paragraphs would make it much easier and comfortable to the reader's eyes.
OP DoaaHakim 1 / 2  
Dec 30, 2015   #3
@sdoubleh thanks for your feedback it was really helpful :)


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