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Dream of becoming a CMU Tartan; Carnegie Mellon Application: Why Carnegie Mellon

alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Dec 29, 2012   #1
Carnegie Mellon first attracted my attention in grade school because I really like to eat melon. Probably not the most conventional reason but it did spark an interest that over the years has gradually developed into a dream of becoming a CMU Tartan. I believe that Carnegie Mellon's highly reputable undergraduate courses and dedication to research and innovation will not only facilitate further understanding of my chosen program, but also offer me the opportunity to pursue my own ideas. With the availability of support due to the small class sizes and passionate professors that are experts in their field, I will have ample guidance to create, the dream of a child that spent hours and hours making cities with Lego.

Of all the programs at Carnegie Mellon, I have particular interest in economics. Having witnessed the incredible economic growth in China as live demonstration of the subject's relevance, I found myself fascinated by the workings of these invisible forces. Likewise, the highly charged economic world since the global market failure in 2008 has further highlighted the important role of economics in the modern world. And economics with it's unique position at Carnegie Mellon as the only joint undergraduate program of the Tepper School of Business and the Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences, will allow me access to an extensive database of resources, complementary to the subject's diversity. Moreover, as part of the Dietrich College I will be able to declare psychology as a secondary major, another interest of mine that has great relevance to Economics. With a strong foundation in the liberal arts and the freedom of the creative Dietrich College as well as the excellent research resources and innovation of the Tepper School of Business, I will receive a world-class undergraduate education.

Furthermore, as a lover of the subject branch but undecided in a specific job pursuit, the interdisciplinary nature of Carnegie Mellon and the particularly liberal position of the economics program will not forcefully limit the development of my other interests, instead allowing me to integrate them to enhance my overall education. In addition, the plethora of available internships supplements classroom knowledge and will help me gain invaluable experience in preparation for my future in economics.

The steep slope of improvement in my grades throughout high school demonstrates maturation and my true capabilities. Thus, being part of the prestigious economics program at Carnegie Mellon University is the perfect next step in reaching my full potential. From the liberal arts dedication to the vast innovative and research opportunities, I would be honored to attend Carnegie Mellon University.

admission2012 - / 481 90  
Dec 29, 2012   #2

As soon as I read "Carnegie Mellon first attracted my attention in grade school because I really like to eat melon" I would haul your folder into the rejection pile. Why??? Which grade schooler is equating melons with CMU unless for some reason you lived across the street? Part of submitting great essays is the belivability factor. If you start out with something that many will not believe - even if it is true, then it makes it easy for them to just discount the rest of your application. Additionally, the only aspect of this essay that is decent is the fact that you talked about the interdisciplinary nature curriculum. Other than that, you did not point out a single real reason why CMU other than what you might have read on their website or on a brochure. CMU wants students that are passionate about their program. Students who know exactly the resources the school offers and how they plan on using them. This is what they are looking for. They already know they have a great program, no need for you to tell them again.

Hope this helps
OP alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Dec 29, 2012   #3
Thank you, I really appreciate your feedback.

Can you give me some specific advice? As in should I give a story to talk about my interest in Economics?
QWERTY1995 3 / 8  
Dec 29, 2012   #4
^ yes if it can bring clarity to your "interest" in economics. Just answer the prompt. I would take out all the "world class education" stuff and anything that is too sucking up because it reads that way. Just focus on the prompt: why CMU is a good fit (not things they already know but a fit for you),"reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know(not useless but stuff that actually support the rest of your essay)."

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