I dream of becoming an innovator in aerospace exploration. Syracuse supplement

Please help me with this supplement.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

I feel this one is quite to the point but need comments thanks!

I dream of becoming an innovator in aerospace exploration.

High school introduced me to this novel field. In the company of great peers, led by natural curiosity, it didn't take me long to exhaust all resources to develop this new interest. Every project I worked on only made me more curious to explore and eager to learn more and more. However, now I feel I've reached a plateau, possible because of two important factors: firstly, I lack the formal education crucial for anyone wanting to be the best. (And I can only go so far with self-education). Secondly, resources are what puts knowledge in perspective. Without any mentors or professors to talk to, labs to work in or dedicated support to rely on, my dream seems just like an illusion.

Syracuse addresses all of these issues. I have yet to find any other university offering me such a breadth of topics within the Aerospace engineering major: let it be a course on basic aerodynamics or space flight. While this will give me the knowledge I need, the dedicated dynamics and control systems research department will allow me to explore new theories under experienced professors. While I will develop my flight skills in the 622i, the Couri-Hatchery will help me bring my plans to life. And to top it off, the amazing community at Syracuse will not only help me escape my distrubed past, but make me the best version of myself paving my path to be the (next El on Mu sk.)

Don't keep making references to your disturbed past in all the application prompts that you are responding to. Do not risk reader fatigue when it comes to that information. It tends to irritate the reviewer to constantly be reminded of that. That is why the rule of thumb in writing these statements and essays is for the applicant to never repeat information in their responses. You need inform the reviewer only once. He will tend to remember it as he reviews your essay. At this point, it sounds like a very tired pity card that you keep on playing, hoping to win the sympathy of the reviewer to allow you admission into the school. Remember, your documented merits will have more weight than the essays alone. So make sure you have the grades to make it into the school. Otherwise, no amount of sad past on your part will get you a slot as a student.

@Holt I have everything on paper, actually essays are the only problem. Other than this, what do you say about the essay?

@cssaasy
Hi!!

I think your second part is really good, as it illustrates well how it can help you to achieve your dream.

However, as for the 1st part, I agree with@Holt. I think you should avoid talking about "lack of formal education and resources"(Though it's real!!). Instead, maybe it's better to put in this way. You can talk about how you developed your interests and pursued your dream throughout high school years despite all those obstacles. And then you decide to continue to pursue your dream in university, with better resources and education.