"my dream career of becoming a geologist" - Ohio State University essay help

Im not sure my essay is up to standards yet. Could someone please critique it.

Ohio State University is one of the most prestigious universities in the nation. The campus has a great variety of classes and majors. I come from a Somali background, in which both my parents moved to America from Africa. Neither went to college, therefore making me the first male generation in my family to enter a college. While attending high school I felt that I fitted in smoothly with a diverse crowd. I feel as if I was a favorable character among my peers and my teachers in school. While in high school I joined a club called support group for my first three years. The club dealt with situations involving race problems in which I felt a need to contribute. I feel that support group in high school has helped in my understanding of other cultures that I will encounter on campus. After staying in Ohio for almost twelve years I have finally decided that OSU is the right choice for me. There are many colleges and universities around the nation I could apply to, but Ohio State University seems more of a rightful choice. Therefore, I would strive to be a hard working person in and out of school. This university has greatly affected many people's lives in succession. The opportunity to go to this university, would affect my family in a major fashion. I plan to finish college with my bachelors and masters. Attending Ohio State University can greatly help my family if I were to receive a higher education. If accepted, I know I will work hard into fulfilling my dream career of becoming a geologist.

First, what is the prompt?
Ohio State University is one of the most prestigious universities in the nation. The campus has a great variety of classes and majors. I come from a Somali background, in which both my parents moved to America from Africa. Neither went to college, therefore making me the first male generation in my family to enter a college. While attending high school I felt that I fitted in smoothly with a diverse crowd. I feel as if I was a favorable character among my peers and my teachers in school. While in high schoolAren't you still in high school? I joined a club called support group for my first three years. The club dealt with situations involving race problems in which I felt a need to contribute. I feel that support group in high school has helped in my understanding of other cultures that I will encounter on campus. After living in Ohio for almost twelve years, I have finally decided that OSU is the right choice for me. There are many colleges and universities around the nation I could apply to, but Ohio State University seems more of a rightful choice. Therefore, I would strive to be a hard working person in and out of school. This university has greatly affected many people's lives in succession. The opportunity to go to this university, would affect my family in a major fashion. How will it affect your family? I plan to finish college with my bachelors and masters. Attending Ohio State University can greatly help my family if I were to receive a higher education. If accepted, I know I will work hard into fulfilling my dream career of becoming a geologist.

Please read my essay too. Thanks!