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"My dream remains" an extra special essay for applyiing to the university


apramone 3 / 5  
Dec 14, 2008   #1
This is an additional essay that shows some special circumstances for me applying to the university.
Please help me editing and correcting grammar errors. I need feedback! Thanks!

My dream remains

"You are a wonderful professional, what is your degree?" I frequently hear this question. My dream is to be able to answer it by pursuing a higher education. I take the opportunity to write this essay to summarize my cultural background, personal growth and achievements. Besides mentioning my academic goals I will also describe how they shaped my interests.

I was born in Brazil, where many face a reality of violence and hunger, not having resources to attend to their healthcare or education. I consider myself fortunate to come from a socially well-structured family. Surrounded by three siblings and friends in a healthy environment, I had all the privileges to grow up in a very small and calm town. The education that I received was integral and had a great impact in my life.

Even though my parents did not possess university degrees they never stopped encouraging their children to seek a better education for themselves. Unfortunately my family suffered an economic crisis that prevented me from attending college. I started working very young, when I was fourteen. My sister gave me the opportunity to work as assistant teacher at her kindergarten school. After graduating from high school I began working with her fulltime.

Hence, I was introduced to early childhood education and obtained incalculable rewards in following the children's growth. By incalculable rewards I mean the pleasure to see children write their names when I am the one who holds their hands to teach them, to see the results of good learning when children begin reading when I am the one who teaches them their first words, among others. I realized the pleasure of teaching and discovered my real vocation.

As a teacher, my most salient characteristics are to be well organized, persistent, communicative, and be very playful, as my sister used to tell me, "to teach children we need to have a child inside ourselves." Besides possessing qualifications, I am also a perfectionist and a very determinate person.

Overtime I had the opportunity to work with professionals in specific related areas, for example with speech therapists, thus improving my teaching strategies learning about dyslexia and speech problems. I volunteered to help children who suffer this type of deficiency and attained great results. I watched myself diving to a new world of information and my enthusiasm for this field has kept me curious.

I moved to the United States when I married my husband in 2004. Even though I studied English in Brazil it was difficult for me to speak and understand it. I had to improve this language barrier and was pleasantly surprised to be able to take free English classes at a church. Subsequently, I found a job based on my experience. I started working as an infant and toddler teacher at Saint Luke Infant Care Center, and did so for two and a half years.

Looking for new challenges and growth I accepted to work at SafePlace at Austin, my current employment. There, I am exposed to the reality of victims of abuse. This has opened a door to my interest in the study of human ecology. Emotional and psychological effects of abuse influence the way in which these children should be educated. A university degree would prepare me to expand my knowledge in this field.

Living in the United States, I have had the opportunity to work and further develop, learn, and specialize myself in my area. I have attended courses provided by specialists in diverse aspects of early childhood education, and, through SafePlace, I recently attended the annual conference of the National Association for the Education of Young Children, in Dallas. I became acquainted with some of the most recent progress in education and this reinforced my intentions to return to academic life.

I wish to study human development and family sciences and enter college to build a career for my future and the future of my family. Completing the Human Ecology degree offered by the University of Texas at Austin will allow me to benefit from the various perspectives of its unique program.

I intend to incorporate my personal experience, aspirations, and career goals to this program. Furthermore, I would like to learn as a method I have never experienced, by sitting down on a university's chair, by participating in research activities, taking advantage of the many interdisciplinary opportunities that the University of Texas provides.

My fascination with understanding human development will guarantee my success as a university student. Consequently it propels me to fulfill my dream to pursue a higher education, and I am prepared for this challenge. My dream is to energize with a formal education the experiences that I have gained as an autodidact and be the proud holder of a bachelor degree.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 15, 2008   #2
The content and structure of this essay is very good. The diction and grammar are decent, but could use improvement in places. For instance:

Replace "pleasure to see" in the fourth paragraph with "pleasure of seeing"

"Besides possessing qualifications, I am also a perfectionist and a very determinate person." "Determinate" is the wrong word here. Perhaps you mean "determined?" Also, I'd suggest modifying the beginning to "possessing these qualifications" to connect the sentence more clearly to the previous one.

Instead of "I volunteered to help children who suffer this type of deficiency" try "I volunteered to help children who suffer from these sorts of learning disorders."

"I watched myself diving to a new world of information and my enthusiasm for this field has kept me curious." Again, "curious" isn't really quite right in this context. You could try saying that "my enthusiasm for this field has never waned." Or some such construction.

Overall, an excellent and inspirational essay.


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