Here is the prompt to the first essay I have to do for my UC application:
"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."
After looking at sample essays, I feel as if I should write my essay as more of a story, but all my friends and family keep saying how what I wrote is very good. I'm still unsure so it would be great if someone on here could assist me in making this better. I am looking to get into Game Art Design, by the way.
And here is my essay:
Living in the suburbs of Southern California's Inland Empire, I had always felt enclosed in the distant mountains that seemed to completely surround my city. My imagination tends to wander about; and I had always dreamed what it was like beyond those mountains, but I never got the chance until the winter of 1999.
I didn't know what to expect under the Christmas tree that year. I thought I would receive another sketchbook since everyone knew me as the budding artist of the family. Instead of going outside and playing basketball with the rest of the kids my age, I drew my own cartoons and creations every chance I got. However, my grandfather surprised me that year with my very first video game console, The Dreamcast. That gift opened me up to a whole new universe of creative imagination and masterful design that allowed me to experience what it's like beyond those mountains that bound me to my own plane of existence. Little did I know, my grandfather would die a year later and his present would shape the course of the rest of my life.
For the next 12 years, I've been subconsciously devoted to being the best I could be for him. My lack of a father figure, since the loss of my grandfather, has been fulfilled by the combined efforts of my mother and my paternal grandmother and I've always felt very fortunate to have this unconventional family.
My parents divorced when I was 3, leaving me in the custody of my single working mother. She has always been supportive and loving, yet strict and assertive. She was the first in her family to attend a university and receive a bachelor's degree, while managing to provide me with an invaluable private school education and still pursuing her own dreams and ambitions. Her strong work ethic, determination, and independence have inspired me to be the best I can possibly be in anything I desire. My absentee father, on the other hand, was never any help in that regard and his life has basically taught me how not to live. Even after the divorce, his own mother stayed with us to take care of me. She's a woman I would describe as "tiny but mighty." She's fearlessly worked the night shift as a waitress for the past 15 years just so she could take care of me while my mom is at work during the day. Her countless acts of compassion and sacrifice for me have made me look up to her and understand the value of selflessness. I don't have the run-of-the-mill family but I wouldn't have it any other way.
This loving and encouraging family atmosphere has shaped me into the person I am today. Ever since my grandfather gave me The Dreamcast for Christmas, I have been passionate about gaming as entertainment and as an art form. My mother and grandmother have always accepted and encouraged my passion to draw and immerse myself in my work. They did not push anything on me, such as sports, because they wanted to see what came naturally for me. Since then, I've consistently excelled in academics and even participated in an Academic Decathlon and a County Spelling Bee, all the while participating in extracurricular art classes. My past and present has formed me into the type of person who will do well by myself yet still be the leader of a group, who can easily grasp new ideas, and contribute my imagination to society.
Living in the suburbs of Southern California's Inland Empire, I had always felt enclosed in the distant mountains that seemed to completely surround my city.
My imagination tends to wander about; and I had always dreamed what it was like beyond those mountains, but I never got the chance to find out until the winter of 1999.
That gift opened me up to a whole new universe of creative imagination and masterful design, which allowed me to experience what it's like beyond those mountains that bound me to my own plane of existence.
Her strong work ethic, determination, and independence have inspired me to be the best I can possibly be in anything I desire to do.
My past and present have formed me into the type of person who will do well by myself yet still be the leader of a group, who can easily grasp new ideas, and contribute my imagination to society.
Your essay is interesting and well written. Good luck in school and have fun!
:)
