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"Dreams and destiny"

Chakabam 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2009   #1
I'm trying to enroll in Rutgers University and I'm hoping you guys can rectify some of my mistakes. Thanks !

The prompt is : Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

Dreams are like painting, you can either make it a masterpiece or an average sketch of art. It is one of our tools that can excavate the steps that lead to our destiny. Thus, destiny is already sketched out and it matters how we choose our colors. It is dreams that bring happiness, hope and joy to the world and it makes humans homogeneous. It took me eighteen years to harvest my dreams and it will take decades to revitalize it. However, we have to color our destiny somewhere, do you not agree?

I grew up in an environment that valued education. If I did not study diligently I faced a trial from my mother's bamboo stick. Most of the time, the blood dripping down my nose announced that it was finally time for me to rest. With hard work, I was ranked top five percentile in a competitive society during my elementary years in South Korea. However, I began to search for my dreams at an early age and it caused me to gradually detach myself from the education. I must have endeavor everything, volunteering for more than 20 hours a week, competing in martial arts tournaments, and at one point I even laid a trap in the play ground believing that I was destined to be a villain. It will be years until I find the simplest color to paint my sketch.

At the age of ten, my family migrated to America seeking for the opportunity to success. By than, I completely lost interest in the education and I was complacent. However, I managed to be an elite student, well at least for the mathematics because numbers never seemed to stop amusing me. I was loquacious and optimistic which made me well known through out the school and it caused me to plead guilty of murdering my education. During my high school years, I was blinded by the fame and I continued to color my paint with the black ink. However, my deleterious perception changed when I encountered an article about a family being sued for sixty-five million dollars for mere pants. I had a reality check, our world became so corrupted that we live under the gray sky. The greed pours down upon us with no mercy and the cry of innocents can no longer be heard, the wind carries what is left of our weakened soul and we survive on people's agony and suffering. What must we do to change the world? And my answer was simple; I will become a Supreme Court Justice who can bring justice to this world. Laws are enforced to regulate the society and avert complete chaos and destruction and it is times like this that we need to act. I will overcome insurmountable obstacles to change this world from getting devoured by our selfishness. I participated in the model U.N club and volunteered for more than 600 hours in a church which gave me glimpse at my dream. I have learned to love this world from an erudite individual who is know as God.

Rutgers University has one of the leading Pre-law classes in the nation and I am eager to conquer it. The eclectic ethnicities and cultures will also diversify my education experiences. My contribution to Rutgers University consists of my dreams and the ambition to change the world. I'll be the artist who can paint Rutgers University in to a masterpiece in an exchange for the colors it will provide me with.

t1292 11 / 21  
Nov 27, 2009   #2
Maybe you should say dreams are like a painting instead of paint.
Although, I would like to believe that I have won the case, my skins told me other wise. Dont understand this.
complacent. However, with the previous knowledge I gained from South Korea I managed to be an elite student- Sounds like an insult to the American education system

It is a real good essay however, just had to point out a few things.
OP Chakabam 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2009   #3
Thank you so much! I didn't mean to insult American education system, I will fix that ASAP.

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