KAIST 2020 Entrance Essay
Please describe your dream and the efforts you have made so far to achieve it and your future plan for it. (within 2000 characters/300words) (Required)
※ Please include your reason(s) for choosing KAIST in order to achieve your dream and the hardships that you expect to encounter in the process.
My dad always told me, "In this modern era, technology is playing a big role. You should too". I was intrigued by his words and at this moment I opened a new window. His words pulled a different view of my hobby, design. Middle school was filled with two years of drawing activities and clubs. But then, I realised it wasn't enough. I need to hone my soft skills.
In high school I was not afraid of taking chances. I was always a curious kid and a risk taker. I believed that all of my high school experience could lead me to gaining beneficial skills. I listed down my goals. I planned to shape my personal traits through communities. I wanted to be more active, have a deeper understanding of school's organization, and most of all, to gain as many experiences as possible. I can assure you, all of those point are ticked. I joined many kinds of the school's organizations and community services. All of this made me sharpen my multitasking, problem solving and especially leadership skills.
Thinking about entering colleges made me feel the same thing I did before I entered high school, I want more! As I was surfing through the net, I stumbled upon KAIST. It exceeded my expectation. Especially, the quote on the Industrial Design's site, "Shape your Future". I have always planned to do things that could shape me and the community wherever I am. And to me, KAIST has the perfect community for that. It made me curious how labyrinths in KAIST could take me. Furthermore, the curriculum in Industrial Design sparked my interest. To learn about design projects focused on marketing and to embed the meaning of designing itself, this curriculum is what I was always looking for.
Lastly, to be able to study at KAIST is that I can shape my personal traits. I can meet many kinds of people from different countries with the perfect community. It can broaden my link and networking skills. I can also learn new languages, new cultures, new ideals and perspective as an international student.
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You are 50 words over the limit. So you need to refocus the essay by discussing more relevant details. For instance, you story about your dream does not make sense. Your father made a comment to you about technology, you quickly associated with Design. Exactly how did that happen? Where is the middle of the story that explains this development? You can't go from the beginning to the end, without presenting the developmental story in the middle. This should take up at least 150 words in your presentation.
There is no explanation regarding how you pursued your design ambitions as a high school student. That is a 100 word missing element in this response. The prompt clearly asks you to provide information about how you have pursued this ambition to date. That means you have to list any art classes you have taken, design seminars or tutorials you have attended or been certified in, competitions you have joined and possibly won, and any other recognition that you may have received that will prove with seriousness, that you have been building towards a career in design. Without it, your essay response is incomplete, even though you wrote 350 words.
Your interest in Kaist could be better presented by not quoting the college department motto and instead, highlighting your interest in the Industrial Design department through the learning experience it offers. You will need to do some research about this particular part because the hardships you will experience as a student should tie in with your interest in the university. The difficulties could be related to student financial assistance, an academic weakness such as a grade in a class that relates to design that you have to overcome and convince the reviewer that will not hinder your studies as a college student, being a foreign student in a new country (since you do not have much experience interacting with South Koreans), a language hindrance (not being able to speak or write in Hangul), or something of the sort.
You are trying to portray yourself as an overachiever in the essay. That is not what the reviewer wants to read about. Be honest. Respond to each prompt properly. Consider the hardships of being a student in a foreign land, think about how you really developed your dream. Honestly present the methods by which you have pursued industrial design training as a high school student. These need to be properly explained and clearly presented within 300 words.
Wow, thank you so much for the detailed feedback. Really though, I see you everywhere, pretty much a lifesaver!!!