I don't really have anyone that I can ask to read my essay, so I turned to this site. Thanks In Advance for all feedback, positive and negative!
Write about why you are interested in your choice of major
My native country is Nigeria, but I have lived in America since the age of three. My parents have always wanted me to have a deep connection to my place of birth so they made sure to teach me about our culture even with living in a different country. The values taught in my household were different from America, the surrounding environment. This caused me to slowly adapt to some of the cultures and traditions of both countries. I prefer Jellof rice, also termed "red rice", to white rice. At the same time, hip-hop is readily present in the music I listen to. This connection to two countries has led me to my current desire for global awareness. Being from another country, I have always thought more globally than my peers. I often use the term "global citizen" to describe myself.
My split culture has a significant impact on what I plan to study in college. I have come to identify with both America and Nigeria, so I have a blend of experience and characteristics from both and see that as great diversity. This diversity expands into global awareness. I have been told that international business is for individuals who are interested in securing a position within the global business market. As a student desiring to expand my knowledge well beyond American borders and learn more about business, international business seems to fit my interests.
When I visited Nigeria my freshman year in high school, ideas began forming in my mind. There are many customs in America that I believe would benefit Nigeria. I saw that Nigeria needed some funding to better construct some of their roads, a problem America does not have. Likewise, some of Nigeria's customs might aid in some of the issues America has. Most Nigerian houses are built rather than bought, so mortgage and other house expenses are not a heavy burden.
These thoughts are just a part of my mind's path. With Drexel's help, I am certain the thoughts in my mind can develop into more solid ideas. I intend to major in International Business, and I have every intention of taking full advantage of my studies within it.
I think your essay is well thought out and consistent with the prompt, however, consider making this small change:
My parents have always wanted me to have a deep connection to my place of birth so they made sure to teach me about our culture even with living in a different country.
Change with to while to make sure the sentence context flows smoothly.
Other than that, your essay is great and to the point :)
