Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
My generation is facing a problem that is developing in high school and becoming worse in college life. It is dangerous, poisonous, addictive, and overlooked by both teens and parents. From the occasional drink to the drunken frat parties, alcohol has impaired many teens and even took their lives.
The problem with alcohol is that it attracts teenagers even though they know the consequences it might bring. A couple months ago, one of my friends whom I knew since 6th grade was in an accident which involved alcohol. He was driving home from a party when he became too disoriented and drove into an apartment complex. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but his license was suspended and had to pay huge fines. Even after hearing about this, students at my school still continued to drink irresponsibly. It is in the news every day that someone is killed because of alcohol, but yet, teenagers still remained untouched. Even if some teenagers manage to drink their way through high school and college without facing any problems, long term problems will affect them. Alcoholism, which is a leading cause of death, may develop within the teenagers. This is an issue that needs to be hindered, but it is clear it is impossible to eradicate.
Even with the legal drinking age at 21, my peers are finding a way to alcohol abuse. The only way to abate this problem is that the parents must not only be aware but also commit to stopping teens from drinking alcohol. Some parents today don't care and even set a bad example for teenagers as they are alcoholics themselves. This includes my father who was a sorry drunk. His atrocious addiction luckily did not transfer to my brother and I, but it affected us considerably as his stupor caused violence as well as financial problems. The people who are of legal age must stop selling and supplying alcohol to minors because the age restriction is there for a reason. Teens are prohibited from drinking because they are irresponsible and can be a hazard on the road.
Although many assertive efforts have been made to impede teens from drinking, the problem remains. It is in society's unwritten rulebook that drinking is "cool" and a requirement for various social occasions, but that needs to be changed with my generation.
Help me proofread and change up details please. Thanks!
Hi,Sam)
Your essay is ok, but you'd better add more deeper personal details in the parts about your friend and your father, add some direct speech. Write for example how your father's alcoholism degraded your family, how your friend's alcoholism affected your relations with him etc.. For now, your essay doesn't feel strong enough, it doesn't impact the readers strongly.
Sam, you can still add more details about your friend and father, not just one additional sentence. You can write about your experience with alcohol. You can as well try to expand conclusion, maybe write what you will/ want to do to change that attitude towards alcohol in teenagers' minds. As I said before, your essay should show how alcoholism touches your life.
Now I've noticed that you write about your father, while your essay is mostly about teen alcoholism. You need to work over that too.
And you can name your essay : "Modern Reign of Dionysus"
You can start your essay differently like this for example:
"Drink or not to drink ?" I asked myself, looking at my partying friends, who were not reluctant to indulge in some alcohol. "Hey, Sam, don't be a bore, take a drink !" I picked a can of beer, drew it near my mouth and made a small gulp. It tasted bitter. "What's the point of this? What do you want to prove with this?" I asked my friends. They looked at me with confusion. "ahh... It's cool."
I think something like that would be more catchy.
Now I've noticed that you write about your father, while your essay is mostly about teen alcoholism. You need to work over that too.
Aw, maybe I'm going a little off topic by talking about my dad?
Maybe you could write about just alcoholism, not adolescent
