This is a for my commonapp essay on personal experience. Still working on a better title...open for tips
PURPOSE-DRIVEN
"Man learns through experience, and the spiritual path is full of different kinds of experiences. He will encounter many difficulties and obstacles, and they are the very experiences he needs to encourage and complete the cleansing process," Sai Baba, Indian guru. As the first child of an Akan family, I was expected to grow to be a venerable individual and a unique paradigm of excellence for my younger siblings. Perhaps, if I had known and could understand what Sai Baba said, I would have faced my gruesome experience with more grace and blind faith; for fate only sought to prepare me for that future.
Although it happened about eleven years ago, I remember, as if it were just yesterday, when I was struck by an illness that seemed to be a benign stomach ache. Our resolution to treat it at home was soon defeated by my pathetically emaciated appearance. As though it could sense our retaliation, the illness lashed out its last wrath at me. For a while, I surrendered all hope of surviving this excruciating experience, ready to relinquish my existence to the eagerly awaiting death. However, my father's words of encouragement galvanized all lost hope. Even after being diagnosed with an advanced stage of appendicitis that required an immediate operation, his words had established a formidable faith that was not ready to yield.
I sailed through the operation successfully, but never to forget this terrifying ordeal. Although I was young, this gruesome experience had refined my outlook on life. It gave me the tenacity to succeed wherever I found myself and the willpower to transform the worst blunders into awesome wonders. Since then, I refused to succumb to any force that threatened to obstruct my progress without giving a fitting fight. In senior high school, I vied for the position of head prefect. Personally, I felt I was favorite to take the position. But as fate would have it, I did not win the election; neither did I manage to cling on to the assisting role as boys' prefect.
Defeat weighed heavily on me, as my heart tore with disappointment. However, I soon realized that to resign myself to the Slough of Despond was to undermine everything I stood for. Hence, when I was appointed house prefect, I worked relentlessly towards making an unparalleled impression in my house and school. By the time I graduated, my influence on my house had spanned beyond the borders of discipline and hygiene. For the first time in over a decade, my house took first place in the school's annual inter-house athletics competition; a feat that was achieved twice under my reign as house prefect.
My victory over appendicitis had implanted a flaming desire to turn even the most disappointing circumstances into successes. A desire that is, every now and then, rekindled by a glance at my scar, the everlasting remnant of the operation. My mind had been stretched by the experience and could never restore its old dimensions.
Great work, Sphinx! I love the structure of your essay! If I could only give you one advice, it would be to FOCUS more on showing the impact of this personal experience on your life, rather than pointing it out.
I wish you all the luck :)
Hope I was of any help! :)
