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Driving by streets ; Common App, A Background or Story so central to my Identity.


Silentium 1 / 6 1  
Nov 13, 2013   #1
I am not-native English speaker, so I understand that you can find a lot of grammar mistakes. I am apologize for that. Also I don't know is good topic or not. But it's really changed my life.

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

I have never felt so hesitant like this morning on 1st of th September 2010. I woke up at 8:00, got out of warm bed, made morning routine and put my new school uniform: white blouse and black skirt.

- Are you ready? We are waiting you!
My mom shouted somewhere from house.
- Yes! I am coming, mom!
We got into dad's silver Mercedes and drove to my new school.

Driving by streets I saw pupils with bouquet of flowers, with new backpacks, with happy smiles on their faces. While my face had expression of phrase "Jesus, what was waiting for me?"

We got to school quiet fast. I felt like small girl in this crowd of parents, teachers and students. Pushing through with parent to the school's yard, I was thinking about who would my new classmates of these people. I have never seen so many people in the school. My class was standing in the center of left side of the yard. I came up to them. Welcomed my new form-master, I tried to remember names of my new classmates, but unfortunately it was hard to me to keep in mind 26 names immediately. Standing near them, I felt that they sensate same what I did. Uncertainty and proud. We were all new there.

I grew up in conditions which sometimes my parents called "greenhouse". It is mean that they are really comfortable and cozily. I studied in private school only, my class had no more than 15 students, teachers helped you every time and I was always under the care of somebody. But one day, I thought it was not what I really want. Yes, I was class leader, organized some events, played in theatre and even was redactor of school magazine. But I didn't feel any hard work or healthy competitive atmosphere. Many of classmates didn't interested in studying therefore process of education became boring. Sometimes I lost desire to study. That's why I made significant and unexpected decision - got out of comfort zone. I decided to enter to high school with major in math, chemistry and biology.

- Mom, next year I'll transfer to another school.
- Why?! Your school is best!
- I want to try.
This school was one of most respectful and it's really hard to enter. So I was learning by rote chemistry and biology every day. I wanted to prove myself that I can do it. In summer I wrote these exams and entered. It was happiest day, my parents were proud and I felt satisfied. And although, I changed this school 2 years later, experience I got in this high school will be always with me.

I was studying with children, who were interested in learning new knowledge, who wanted been learned. To be in place, where best of the best are studying is hard. Especially when you are not so talented in math or physics as they are, for example. For me it was hard, sometimes I couldn't understand what my teacher was speaking about, I had tantrums before final exams. But in the end when I saw which amount of work I did I saw progress. For me this school first of all gave great experience, incentive to study and don't afraid make mistakes, and try, try again. If somebody asked me "Would You want repeat it again?" I will definitely say "Yes! I couldn't image myself without this school".

savusavu 3 / 8 1  
Nov 14, 2013   #2
I think it is a nice essay and I am not a native English-speaker as well so I know what you are going through. You do have a lot of errors in your essay. Is this really that central to your identity that you think your application would be complete without it? If yes, then elaborate on how it has changed you and why... what was so great about the new school? If you're certain that this is the essay you would like to submit then let me know, i will correct your grammar!
OP Silentium 1 / 6 1  
Nov 15, 2013   #3
I add some information there. So is it sounds better?
I was studying with children, who were interested in learning new knowledge, who wanted been learned. To be in place, where best of the best are studying is hard. Especially when you are not so talented in math or physics as they are, for example. For me it was hard, sometimes I couldn't understand what my teacher was speaking about, I had tantrums before final exams. But in the end when I saw which amount of work I did; I saw progress. I realized that I became stronger; tried to solve problems and didn't give up. This school gave me fundamental knowledge, but also I learned how to study. That is most important part in our life; know how to study. Now I am not afraid difficulties in the process of learning.
savusavu 3 / 8 1  
Nov 15, 2013   #4
Ok, yeah i really liked what you wrote above. As I am not an english native speaker I am afraid to correct your essay. Maybe ask someone else as well? I don't want you correcting mistakes and kaing new ones...

So, I think the beginning is nice and just change a few things like:

We got to school quiet fast

quite

Pushing through with parent to the school's yard, I was thinking about who would my new classmates of these people

new classmates of these people be.

wledge, who wanted been learned.

who wanted to learn

experience I got in this high school will be always with me.

the experience...

So please check with native speakers before you edit your essay...
Good luck. Where are you from?
OP Silentium 1 / 6 1  
Nov 15, 2013   #5
Thank you! I will ask teacher, may be he can help me.
I am from Kazakhstan.


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