"dual degree in business and engineering" - U of Michigan- What attracts you here?

Hi People, You check mine and I will check yours =)

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum

Being the most technologically oriented person in my house, I was given a chance to fix my family's antediluvian computer during my seventh grade. I could not resist the temptation to take a peek inside the unknown and eagerly accepted the task. As computer case opens and the intricate wirings inside present themselves, I found another world. Instead of being dominated by plants, animals, and soil, this world is dominated by human ingenuity, logic, and math. I did not despair at the maze of wirings in front of me; instead, I felt oddly at ease. This world seems to be a strange yet oddly familiar spectacle. From that instance, I found my calling. I knew computer engineering will be the perfect career for me.

University of Michigan has presented itself as one of the leading computer engineering universities in the nation, frequently ranked top place despite being a public school. Now, as my secondary school career comes to a close, University of Michigan caught my attention as a school that fits the criteria of the ideal university I am searching for: friendly environments, widespread acclaims, and, most of all, supportive and comprehensive facilities. University of Michigan has 145 labs and research centers, while its computer labs are open 24 hours a day. For enthusiasts like me, this is truly a unique opportunity to engross ourselves in our topics of fascination and utilize our creativity without abiding by a limit or a schedule. University of Michigan also offers an unparalleled opportunity to communicate with the rest of the world through its Engineering Global Leadership (EGL) Honors Program. This program offers the chance to browse the world and discuss our topic of fascination with various intellectuals from different countries, an excellence opportunity to sharpen a student's cross culture communication skills and jumpstart our understanding of global cooperation. The prospect of acquiring a business degree in addition to computer engineering has always been alluring to me. However, I have never been able to find a perfect business and computer college combination before stumbling upon University of Michigan. Having an acclaimed business and engineering school, this university has the best conglomeration of dual degree in business and engineering I have met so far. With representative from almost all ethnic groups across the world, there is no doubt that University of Michigan strives to maintain diversity and equality. In the melting pot that is today's American society, to be familiar with only the culture that one is raised in is parochial. Knowledge of the various customs and mores of other cultures is not only helpful in communicating in an increasingly integrated world, but is also central in problem solving and research where multiple aspects of a problem need to be considered.

With only one con, the cold winter weather, and an abundance of pros, University of Michigan offers undoubtedly the best engineering education in the nation. I hope I can take part in the innovation and discoveries that are constantly occurring here.

I just realized I didn't separate into paragraph well enough
Plz Check for grammar error and if this essay follows the prompts. A critical advice is very helpful!

awkward.
how about something like "As I opened the computer case, I discovered another world full of intricate wirings and [something else]".

Also, you repeated "oddly" twice, as well as "wirings". I would look for other words to use.

You should explain why you want a business and computer degree. You make it clear why you want a degree in computer science, but you should emphasize why you want a degree in business as well. Maybe talk about what you want to do with those degrees after college.


good! i like how you give an example and tell the admissions officer why this characteristic of umich suits what you are looking for.


In general, you should use more 1st person and talk about why the characteristics of UMich appeal to you, like you did with the computer labs. I think it gets more general at the end of the essay, and it isn't as strong as how you started. Also, it isn't necessary to mention the con of cold weather, unless you clarify that you're from like California or Florida where there's warm weather to add a human touch or some humor to the essay.