hey guys, i'm applying to 2012's freshmen year and this is my first common app essay. i already edited it many times but i think there are still many mistakes and unsatisfactories. please help me and give me ur advices and every single suggestion is most valuable and welcome. i'm really looking forward to hearing from you. thanks a lot! ^_^ here is goes...
The Duet Dance
I had just fallen from my partner's shoulder and was rubbing my painful ankle and toes. It wasn't the first or last time this would happen that day.
"Again! Jump up his shoulder and we do that lift again." The impatient voice came from an old woman, my ballet coach. Lan, my new dancing partner, and a stranger to me, was obviously annoyed because I couldn't control my center of gravity on his shoulders. My tears started to pour out. Our public performance was imminent and I was not prepared at all.
I was tabbed a ballet prodigy at five and immersed in my own world. Once practicing with point shoes, I mistakenly put two foot-covers (a silica gel cover to protect the toes) in one shoe. But I didn't realize during the class. I whirled, jumped, dynamically stretched as usual, and just feeling a little uncomfortable on my toes. When taking off the shoes after class, I popped up my eyes seeing the badly mutilated left foot.
But at this very moment, I was just another ballet dancer, trembling on my partner's shoulders, thinking about my balance, and trying to follow my coach. The stern old woman changed our positions and after contorting myself, I was now holding Lan's shoulder instead of sitting on it, tiptoeing on the ground with the wooden front of the ballet shoes, and stretching one arm and one leg out in the air. This second pose was completely different than the original pose, a safe and easy pose with little risk. However, the opening pose was still stuck in my mind and I faced the mirror and pictured the first pose again and again. That was such a beautiful pose and the best use of a duet-dance technique and the only one which could match my vision! Without this pose, the performance would be good, but not great! I stood up, turning to my coach and insisted on the first pose.
"I agree but it looks like that you are a little bit heavy for Lan to lift." Weight is a sensitive issue for all dancers and her comment cut like a knife. But I stayed silent, the heat building on my face and inside my heart. The next few days at home were never-ending scenes of agonizing decisions to forego fried chicken, Coke, and everything I loved to eat. Water and vitamins were all I had for days and even now, I feel nauseous seeing any kind of pills.
I also worked with Lan to develop an understanding of his style and rhythm. When jumping up, I tried to sense his lifting speed and force center in order to let the velocity of our forces became synchronous. Understanding someone as a dancer is difficult because it is such a fluid, changing state but once you can find this understanding, the power of two dancer's energy is almost magical. Sitting on his shoulder for the thousandth time, I began to trust that he would ensure my safety up in the sky, so I no longer feared dropping. I tightened up my belly and let my body to be stable in flat so that he could control the position. Lan's face was not that worried and his hands around on my waist were more relaxed and confident.
Dancing is many times a one man show, but for the biggest productions and the most impressive pieces, we need cooperation and teamwork. It was a simple point, but growing up a spoiled little dancer had made simple lessons difficult. Working together with Lan, failing with Lan, and now learning with Lan, I could see that it was infinitely harder than dancing on my own but our mutual sacrifice made the outcome so much more fulfilling.
On that gorgeous evening, I had a perfect make-up and we practiced the lift one last time on the side stage. Then the stage curtain raised, the euphonious song began, and Lan and I became the center of the world, together.
