I tossed and turned, but I couldn't drift off. It was all because of my uncle's thunderous snoring . Occasionally, I discovered that some biomedical engineering researchers had been working on the solution to snoring .
You cannot occasionally discover something. You discover it once and then come back to it. Other than that, it is an interesting way to lead into your essay.
Also, snoring may be a symptom of something, but there are no symptoms of snoring.
Since it can combines the design and problem solving skills of engineering with medical and biological sciences, I am sure that it will not only help me find a way to eliminate my uncle's snoring , but more importantly , bring about changes to the medical community.
What do you mean by the design of engineering?
The lines and structures of the "Build your own DUKE" icon on the website evoked a sudden impulse inside me.
Again, what do you mean by the icon evoking a sudden impulse in you? Did it create a love or interest in Duke or what?
Since my father is a researcher in science, I became quite familiar with most=#ff0000of the lab equipments after I had observed and completed many experiments in his lab.
The change from being in love with Duke to your merits is quite sudden. Use a transition or two to ease into your next point. The essay then again jumps to museums. Add another transition before this.
The last paragraph is very random. It doesn't address the question (I'm assuming the prompt is why engineering) at all. It's just a conglomeration of why you want to go to Duke, not why you are interested in the engineering program. I would eliminate that entire paragraph and spend more time talking about your passion for engineering or something along those lines.
However, if the prompt is why Duke, then the last paragraph is okay. Although it throws the reader off because of the rather abrupt change in topic.