The prompt is "If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke." Any suggestions are very appreciated.
I have always been interested in math and science, but my interest developed into a fascination last year in physics class. I loved being able to apply all of the laws and theories that we learned in class to real-world situations. I loved being able to figure out the distance an object traveled just by knowing the acceleration and speed, finding the vertical and horizontal components of a force, and solving for the coefficient of friction of a surface. I loved that every concept seemed to build on the one before it, and how they all helped me understand the world in a way I never had before. Whenever I think about my future, what I want to study, and how I want to make a living, I always think of engineering- a career that would allow me to develop this fascination with the way the world works and to apply my knowledge to a project that could help improve peoples' lives. After plenty of research, I decided that I want to study Biomedical Engineering at Duke. In addition to the fact that Duke has one of the strongest Biomedical Engineering programs in the country, I want to go into this field to develop technology that could help cure disease or improve the quality of life of those with serious medical conditions.
To me, one of the most appealing things about Duke is the ample opportunity to participate in research as an undergraduate. I would particularly like to work on research in biomechanics and tissue engineering, and hope to one day help to further develop and improve the artificial kidney. Both my father and my uncle have suffered kidney failure, and were unable to find an available donor within our family. During the five years that my father spent on dialysis, he underwent several surgeries, spent countless hours a week at doctor's appointments, and was sick and tired nearly all of the time. My goal in becoming a Biomedical Engineer is to develop technology that could save other families from having to suffer through what mine did.
Duke is the perfect university for me, not only because of the strength of the Biomedical Engineering program, or the fact that most undergraduates participate in independent studies or research, but because attending Duke would give me the opportunity to explore and develop my interests both within and outside of engineering. I love that Duke would allow me to double major in Biomedical Engineering and physics. I would also like the opportunity to study engineering abroad, in a city like Madrid or Quito, and put my four years of Spanish class to use. The strong study abroad program is another major reason why I hope to attend Duke University. Between the top-ranked Biomedical Engineering program, and the opportunities to study abroad and further my other interests, Duke is the best place for me to develop and grow as both an engineer and a person.
This is really solid. I only have a few suggestions. I've never been the strongest proof reader, so I would recommend getting another set of eyes as well.
Both my father and my uncle have suffered kidney failure and were unable to find an available donor within our family.
- I would delete the comma. "Were unable to find an available donor within our family." still uses the subjects "father and uncle" and is not an independent clause by itself.
My goal of becoming a Biomedical Engineer is to develop technology that could save other families from having to suffer through what mine did.
- I'm pretty sure "in" is not idiomatic.
Overall, I liked it! It was easy to read and the only stuff I could find that was wrong with it was just really nit picky stuff but I think just help polish it. Thanks for reading my Brown Essay, and good luck at Duke! =)
PERFECT!! .. really, i dont think you're missing anything. You're shining through this essay. You've shown your passion for the subject, your knowledge of research being done now, you're desires are very specific and you've linked it to a personal incident.
Good luck and i hope you have fun at duke :)
