Why Duke?
Duke has aced my two evaluation tests: the test of fondness and the test of academic excellence. I want to be part of Duke because I think we two can make up a great symbiosis together.
My immutable attraction to Biology makes me consider Neuroscience a great possibility for my future. Undeniably, Duke has been a perfect architect
for medical futures; this is why it has remained on the top of my college list. Neuroscience in Duke, as a thoroughly interdisciplinary major with emphasis on research and discovery, is the perfect fit for me. In such a field, where many potentially life-revolutionizing questions are still unanswered, I am thrilled by the possibility to discover and to make a change. The possibilities for internships, independent studies, labs and Research Practicum that Duke offers represent to me unique experiences that I would not let slip.
In Duke I really feel that I can embrace life fully. I want to share my unusual ideas with unique, diverse people. I want to be part of an amazingly diverse environment as that of Duke. As an international student, I feel I have so much to share with the other students, may it be a bit of Albanian language or the Albanian traditional curd pie, as well as my dreams and my windows to the world. I want to emerge in the vivacious student life by joining the Duke's women club volleyball and volunteering in the DukeEngage to continue the exciting experience of community service in a larger scale. I don't want to simply learn, I want to explore and experience beyond the classroom. Always in my life I have pursued challenges aiming for excellence: that's why I am now knocking in the doors of Duke University, hoping to make it my future home.
I see in Duke an excellent architect of medical futures ...
I would rather write it: Undeniably, Duke has been a perfect architect
for medical futures;that is why it has remained on the top of my college list.
ANother correction
In Duke I really feel that I can embrace Duke life fully.
I feel I have so much to
Overall the essay is good.
good essay! just make the changes and it'll be perfect! :)
could you check my essay now?
Any other suggestions? I'm poor at syntax...
PS: Thanks Raphael. I'll check yours a soon as I finish with this :)
Always in my life I have pursued challenges aiming for excellenceI have always... or Throughout my life... : that's why I am now knocking ...
Okay your first paragraph could be much stronger. To say you want to attend duke because they are known for their medical program isn't unique or that convincing - make it more personal and specific.
Good job gettig rid of the verbosity, flows a lot better now.
Uhm its better but I still feel like something's missing (it could totally just be a personal opinion though!). Is there a club/association that is at Duke you can talk about - that really flows nicely with your topic?
the examples you list are just a bit generic - I think thats my problem with the first have with your essay.
Would you mind looking at my revised Carleton Short answer pleasse! =)
