Please tell us more about your cultural background and identity in the space below (100 word limit). If you need more than 100 words, please use the Optional section on Part 2. I know this short paragraph isn't much, but it is as much as I could write about the topic. If anyone has any advice on expanding it, I'd appreciate it.
I was born and raised in suburban Oklahoma where my family has grown for five generations. While my heritage is a mixture of European nationalities, I am primarily Scottish. Being raised in the 'Bible Belt', I am surrounded by a religious culture, which has played an important role in my life. (51 words)
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
Over the past year, I started to play Dungeons and Dragons, often referred to as D&D. It is a role-playing game set in a medieval fantasy world where the player creates a hero who travels the realms, fulfilling his or her ambitions, whatever they may be. To perform well in the game, the players must be well versed in the extensive handbooks and use their creativity and teamwork to conquer the challenges set out before them. The game is a wonderful social activity, as it normally requires a minimum of five players, who are oftentimes good friends. (97 words)
Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)
At the age of eight, I started to modify HTML and CSS templates for my pets' pages on a game called Neopets, thus birthing my interest in programming. Once I was competent, I began designing my own templates and layouts for other friends on the game. When I was thirteen, not long after the release of the iPhone App Store, I grinned as I made "Hello World!" appear on the phone's screen. MIT's Electrical Engineering and Computer Science Department appeals to me because I have an immense interest in computer science and hope to pursue a career in the field. (100 words)
What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words) I know I need to tie in my two examples with the prompt, but I'm not sure how. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am proud of my determination and self-motivation. Without such attributes, I would not have the willpower to achieve the goals I have accomplished thus far.
There were three weeks until the PSAT test day, and I was sitting in a workshop hoping to learn how to improve my score. I left that workshop knowing that improving my score would be difficult, but not impossible. I dedicated the next three weeks to achieving the goal of qualifying as a National Merit Scholar Semifinalist. My days consisted of simply attending school and studying for the PSAT. Those three weeks came and went, and as I woke up on the day of the test, I knew that I had done my best to prepare. Two months later I received my scores, and if one saw the grin on my face as I stared at that piece of paper, then they would know I had accomplished my objective.
Simply desiring to further my knowledge, I decided to enroll in Introduction to Computer Science and Programming offered by MITx via edX. The coursework was much more difficult and time consuming than any of my high school classes, but I had set out to complete the course, and I intended on doing so. Week after week, I finished the homework assignments and exams, always nervous when submitting my work, hoping that my program solved the problem appropriately. I finished the course, attaining the grade I set out to score. (244 words)
Advice and criticism on the above essays would be appreciated. I am still brainstorming on the "Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?" prompt. The only challenge I can think about thus far is the lack of opportunity to pursue my academic interests at my school as made me work independently, teaching myself and pursuing resources elsewhere. If I did this, would it be alright to reuse the example used in the previous essay where I enrolled in an online course to pursue my interests? Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful.
1. The use of "grown" is pretty weird. You should probably just say "lived" or "resided". And since you have room, consider demonstrating or expanding on how religion has played a big role in your life.
2. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. You do a good job describing D&D but it's quite impersonal. Perhaps an anecdote about playing it would be more effective.
3. Holy crap, I made pet pages for my Neopets too back in the day!!! Okay, that said, I feel like your essay is a little imbalanced - you could cut the bit about Hello, World! and write more about what you want to study. Right now the part that answers the prompt seems like an afterthought.
4. Subject matter is a little dull, especially because every student applying to MIT has probably worked diligently towards improving his/her score. I'd pick one anecdote and roll with it. It's also better to start in the moment and try and "hook" the reader, instead of opening with a flatter general statement.
Hope this helped!
essay 1:
talk about what you value, or maybe why you identify with one of those ethnicities more than the others. Or how being primarily from Oklahoma has shaped you.
essay 2:
I would say more on WHY you like to play D&D more than how you play it. It would give insight into you as a person
essay 3:
like it :)
essay 4:
I would stick with the second example since the first is sort of boring since its about PSATs and academics. Though I would use a better word than "determination" or "hard-working". Maybe "resourceful" or "opportunistic" or "passionate" to fit your second example? Try to come up with a more unique adjective for yourself :)
essay 5:
personally, i hate this essay question. I mean what kinds of "significant" challenges do they expect us to have in all seventeen years of our life?? But rant aside, I think using the online course example could work if the problem is the lack of resources at your school, though I think it would be better to make this essay about something different. You've already talked a lot about your passions for computer programming, maybe you can shine a little more light one another aspect about yourself?
Hope I helped :)
I think it's a solid essay, but the second half of your essay doesn't stick out in my mind, as you're just stating qualities and characteristics about CMU that I'm sure they hear in often too many essays. That may be what the prompt is asking you to do, but see if you can make the second half a little more interesting and personal.
