'Dyslexia and dreams' - On the Fence Admission Decision Personal Statement

One of my top three college choices has decided to postpone a decision on my application. I initiated a meeting with the admissions department to put a face to my application and to get clarification on what they are looking for. They have requested a follow up Personal Statement with my 1st Quarter and recent SAT scores. My question is - have I written a strong, thorough and organized personal statement. I opened with one of my favorite quotes to kind of summarize my overall perspective on learning.

"Good confidently into the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have always imagined." - Thoreau

I have dreams and goals for my future. I also suffer from dyslexia. Not as severe as my biological father, but enough to scramble the channels of learning for me. When I first started to consider going to college, the prospect seemed futile due to my learning condition. I quickly reminded myself that dyslexia does not 'disable' me; it 'enables' me. By having to work harder, it fosters my conviction that I am an intelligent and proficient student. More importantly, it gives me the confidence to aim for a career in Special Education where I know I can make a real and lasting difference in the lives of others.

My grades have always been high and I am proud of this fact because like most dsylexics, the written and testing portion of all subjects has always been a source of great anxiety and mental struggle for me. I know my brain works differently than most people's do. The best thing for me is that it's clever enough to figure out how to compensate so I can learn to do what everybody else can, just as well as they do only in a different way. No one is going to do the hard work for me, and I accept that I need to work harder than others. Waiting until the last moment to study for an exam or start a research paper is not an option for me. I attack a monumentual task by breaking it down into smaller parts and organizing it ï in my brain first and then on paper. No matter how large or small the job ï I can do it.

Up until the middle of my junior year I was heavily involved in sports. Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer; soccer, swimming, track and then more soccer. Being raised in a middle class family and quickly approaching my drivers license, it was time for me to get a job. I am a hostess, and the youngest employee there. Like with every new task I attempt I listen, I organize, I reformat and I learn. Even though my managers' have a seating plan in place for their hostesses, they grant me leniency because while my way is not the conventional way of running the hostess station, I get the job done in a timely and efficient manner. Within the past year, I have proven myself a reliable, knowledgeable and trustworthy employee, and have been called upon several times to train new hosts and hostesses. I had school, extracurricular activities and a part-time job, with each commanding an enormous amount of my time and commitment. Yes, I did decide to leave several sports teams for my job but I continue my participation as a valuable team player at the Vincentown Diner. My job is providing me with unparalleled training in multi-tasking, responsibility and time-management that will be useful skills in my pursuit of a college degree.

My high school transcript is about more than just picking courses to me. It is the shaping of my future by building a strong foundation for the next journey of my life ï college. I have followed a college preparatory track from day one of high school. By the end of my junior year, I had completed the majority of the required courses for enrollment consideration by most colleges and universities. Nevertheless, I continued to challenge myself into my senior year by taking a recommended but not required fourth year of my most difficult subject ï Math. I have also chosen to broaden my education by exploring my artistic interests and am currently enrolled in both Advanced Ceramics and Advanced Floral Design and was inducted into the National Art Honor Society as a junior. These courses provide an ideal setting for me to prevail over my dyslexia with ease and effortlessly release my creative juices. My grade point average has remained solid since my freshman year, and I will continue to do my best, always striving for academic excellence.

Community service is when you take time out of your life to do something that will better other people. It is important, and the acts should be selfless and show kindness to those who have less. Being raised Catholic I have participated in numerous community service activities throughout my years. Visiting nursing homes, volunteering for community clean up days, raising money for the American Heart Association, making quilts for hospitalized patients, collecting food and clothing for the homeless and so much more. As I have gotten older, my ability to participate in every organization as a whole entity has lessened due to extracurricular activities and now employment. I decided I could be more effective by devoting all of my time to the one service I am most passionate about ï feeding the hungry. I am a registered member of FCCLA (Family, Community and Career Leaders of America) and we meet monthly to bake goods for Home Front of Mercer County and Treats for Troops. I continue to participate and promote as many food drives as possible to aid Mercer Street Friends (a regional food bank) in their mission to support food pantries, soup kitchens, homebound senior citizens and many, many more need-based areas of the community. My community service allows me to look beyond myself, increase my sense of human compassion and take pride in knowing I am having a positive affect on someone's life. The positive personal experience gained through community service keeps me grounded and enhances my ability to form bonds with those whom I am working with. This human connection is a necessary quality for any good educator.

My dedication to my education is steadfast and I know that, if admitted to Cabrini College, I will continue to work just as hard as I have in high school. I am looking forward to starting this new stage of my education. I know I can do at Cabrini what I have done at Northern Burlington with equal or greater success. I have proven to myself that I have the ability to succeed at anything I put my mind to in spite of a learning disability. It is my first hand experience as a disabled learner that drives my hope to build a solid academic foundation at Cabrini College to facilitate my goal of becoming a Teacher of Students with Disabilities.

Your personal statement is strong. It should only be a matter of scores for you.
Some helpers:
1) don't start with a typo: it's GO, not good. etc. etc



monumental


dyslexics


2)


The examples are too many and LONNNNNG, choose the most meaningful three.

3) Your strength of your closing paragraph gets diluted with the first and second sentence. You already said how hardworking your are earlier. Why not just start with a punch???

My dedication to my education is steadfast and I know that, if admitted to Cabrini College, I will continue to work just as hard as I have in high school. I am looking forward to starting this new stage of my education. I know I can do at Cabrini what I have done at Northern Burlington with equal or greater success. I have proven to myself that I have the ability to succeed at anything I put my mind to in spite of a learning disability. It is my first hand experience as a disabled learner that drives my hope to build a solid academic foundation at Cabrini College to facilitate my goal of becoming a Teacher of Students with Disabilities.