Hey after a couple edits I feel like I need some outside help refining the points of this supplementary essay. It's not tooo long (506 words),Thanks in advance!
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?
With a career in the health field being my professional goal, I realize the necessity of obtaining the difficult knowledge to reach that goal. Northwestern's Biological Science Department would not only provide me the essential education, but vast opportunities to continue my studies professionally as well. I also plan on taking advantage of the Academic Advising Center and the University Career Services, which would provide me the necessary information and experience that will pave my way to success. The Department's biological science listserv is also another program that I hope to rely on for future research, internship, and job opportunities. With many graduates of the university furthering their education at Northwestern's Feinberg School of Medicine, it is needless to say that Northwestern University has a superb environment for students to thrive in. I wish to be a part of this learning atmosphere that will propel me forward to success in my endeavors.
I hope to obtain a solid, well-rounded education at Northwestern University. I admire the concept of learning for the sake of learning. Mr. Jenkins, a Northwestern Representative whom I have met in a high school college visit, confirmed my appreciation for the university's intelligent student body. Mr. Jenkins mentioned the diverse fields of study that Northwestern's students can partake of as part of their curriculum. The institution's academics are among the finest in the nation, and as a motivated student who appreciates the challenge of a rigorous curriculum in high school, I would love to immerse myself in more challenges in my college years.
Northwestern University also attracts me with its diverse student body; a vast melting pot can definitely heighten the value of a college experience. I am very eager to strengthen my role as a global citizen by understanding different cultures as well as contributing to the mix with my Asian heritage. My cousin's boyfriend Joey Hsu, a Northwestern senior, once told me that the university's student body is big enough to seem like a community, but small enough to retain an intimate college experience. Besides trying out for Northwestern's club volleyball team, I would also like to join and contribute to other organizations such as the Biology Students Association, an organization that can give me a chance to bond and collaborate with other students of the same academic field. The numerous chances to interact with people from around the world make Northwestern all the more appealing to me.
Being part of a magnificent community will bring out the magnificence of an individual. As an institution with stellar education and a sense of a grandeur community, Northwestern University stands out as the college that best suits my interests. The programs offered by the university and the unique environment makes me feel certain that being a Wildcat would be an experience that I would, with all my heart, cherish for the rest of my life.
Here's my slightly revised version... Besides any grammar errors, I was wondering about certain parts. For instance,
I am very eager to strengthen my role as a global citizen by understanding different cultures as well as contributing to the mix with my Asian heritage. My cousin's boyfriend Joey Hsu, a Northwestern senior, once told me that the university's student body is big enough to seem like a community, but small enough to retain an intimate college experience. Besides trying out for Northwestern's club volleyball team,
At that part, I'm trying to incorporate what my cousin's boyfriend says, but it seems kind of wanton and/or out of place? Yeah, need some advice on that
Also my conclusion... I just don't think it, especially the last sentence, 'really wraps things up'?
Thanks in advance
With a career in the health field being my professional goal, I realize the necessity of obtaining the difficult knowledge to reach that goal.
I also plan on taking advantage of the Academic Advising Center and the University Career Services, which would provide me the necessary information and experience that will pave my way to success.
I hope to obtain a solid, well-rounded education at Northwestern University. I admire the concept of learning for the sake of learning .
Mr. Jenkins mentioned the diverse fields of study that Northwestern's students can partake of as part of their curriculum.
Being part of a magnificent community will bring out the magnificence of an individual. As an institution with stellar education and a sense of a grandeur community, Northwestern University stands out as the college that best suits my interests. The programs offered by Northwestern's Biological Science Department would help me develop a solid path to success in life.
Nice essay!
:)
Hey umm. WOW!!! Lol. Great essay. I really love it. Umm i read the entire essay and I found no errors whatsoever. You did an astounding job and your last line does "really wrap things up". As it regards your worried lines the only thing I could say was some advice I saw Kevin give someone. Take out the commas and you make the sentence more powerful or something like that. In other words, make it shorter by breaking it up into sentences. How about...
A Northwestern senior once told me that the university's student body is big enough to seem like a community, but small enough to retain an intimate college experience.
Simple. All I did was take out the cousin's boyfriend complexity. Lol Hope you are successful in your applications and get accepted. Great Job once again. Also, could you help me with my essay on UVA supplemental essays. Thanks in advance.
