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Earning the Right; Recount an incident


abjohnson117 3 / 10 1  
Nov 29, 2013   #1
Prompt: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
Please help me go over this and go over any mistakes I could have made. I would be much appreciated!

Earning the Right
"Every failure is a step closer to success." There have been many times in my life where I have failed, but that is the reason why I succeed. I firmly believe that failure can lead to a person's growth, because failure truly tests a person's character.

Throughout my entire life, my thoughts and interests have always revolved around sports. I played many sports before high school, including basketball, baseball, and football. I always thought that I was at least decent at these sports, because I always played and contributed. However, when I entered high school, that all changed. In my freshman year, I tried out for the basketball and the baseball team, both of which denied me entry onto their teams. I failed, and I was ashamed of myself. But, there was still one sport I was interested in trying out for, football. For an entire year, I desired to be a part of the football team. When try-outs came along, I was extremely excited. I thought that there was absolutely NO WAY that I couldn't make the team. But again I was wrong. And again I failed.

I was devastated when I found out. I had to wait again, for a whole year just to be given the opportunity to try out again. There wasn't much I could do at this point, so I decided to make the most of it. Soon after, I talked to our Head Football Coach about what could I do to make myself a better football player. Impressed with my frank attitude, he offered to help. He gave me tips on how to improve as a player, and always kept an eye out for me.

The next semester, I enrolled in the "Off-season Football" program at my school, specifically made to help football players maintain the endurance and strength necessary to compete. In this class, nobody worked harder than me. I was quickly gaining favor in the coaches' eyes, as I continued to take great strides. Through my hard work, I was starting to fulfill my dream. Soon enough, try-outs came a long again. Once again, I was extremely excited to show my newfound greatness in the sport of football. I competed and worked during try-outs, and the coaches certainly noticed.

My dream was finally accomplished. I made the football team at my school, and I couldn't be happier. However, I knew that this was only possible from the effort and determination I put into football. I finally became aware that things in life aren't given; you have to take them, through effort, hard work, and determination. I learned that through these qualities, you could succeed.
Feenahluv 1 / 3  
Nov 30, 2013   #2
Your tenses lack concord. Verbs hardly agree with each other. The punctuations are not appropriate in most cases. By proof reading, and studying some texts on essays, grammar, concord and ambiguity... you can definitely better your writing skills.


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