Personal Essay 2
Choose an issue of importance to you--the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-- and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, you family, your community, or your generation.
The Easy Road to Success and Ruin
"You might as well just quit now because you are never going to be good enough or strong enough to make Varsity." That crude statement was constantly drilled into my head by the abnormally over grown players on the Rockwall-Heath High School basketball team. Everyday during the athletic period I would do my best to avoid that select few who thought it was their duty to make as many people miserable about themselves as possible. It seemed as if that was the only thing these jocks had to look forward to in their day was making others feel poorly about themselves. It got to a point to where I could not take the daily abuse any longer. When summer came, my family bought a gym membership and I started working out. I had no dreams of great performance or athletic fame but I did feel the pressure to become the best I could be. I also experienced the lure from some athletes exhibiting great success over a short amount of time.
The competitive drive for an athlete to perform at a very high level permeates my high school. Many individuals fiercely pursue their goal with little regard to the path they select. Some strive to just make the team while others push their limits seeking a Division I scholarship. It is this environment that has brought performance enhancing drugs into the high schools locker rooms around America. Some forms of testosterone have approved medical uses but the anabolic steroids so common today are not among them. These synthetic drugs were created to be undetectable using standard drug tests. These designer drugs have no medical use and are made specifically for athletes. Since they are illicit, they have not been fully tested by the Food and Drug Administration. At the high doses sometimes taken by kids, it would be unethical for the FDA to even perform clinical tests. Many of the drugs do increase muscle mass and give the athlete the ability to recover faster from heavy workouts, but in the end. There can be no denying the fact that they greatly enhance athletic performance, but at what cost? The long term side effects of these drugs appear to be increasing overlooked in favor of the short term benefits. Are the short-term aspects of the drug that appeal to certain people really worth the negative side effects that can cause everlasting unforgiving permanent damages to the body? Specifically for males, performance enhancing drugs can cause baldness, prominent breasts and infertility. They can cause severe acne, liver tumors, inhibited growth and psychiatric disorders. Even with these known risks, many have the attitude that the more they take the better the end results.
Illicit performance enhancing drugs are dangerous and have been banned by all professional sports organizations. Unfortunately the top Major League home run hitters for a single season are dominated by drug abusers. Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds obliterated records held for 40 years in only three seasons. In 2009, one in ten retired NFL players admitted to using anabolic steroids while still playing. United States Olympian Antonia Pettigrew was stripped of his gold medal in the 1600 meter relay after he admitted to using illicit drugs. There has never been a time in US history when professional athletes were not idolized by youth of our country. Today is certainly no exception but the message coming from many of today's sports heroes' is flawed. Kids in my high school are no different than other kids. They are results oriented and when they see the sensational results and awards achieved by professional athletes they become blind to the facts. Drug testing must become mandatory for all athletes from High School through professional. Kids of all ages must gain recognition for the natural talent and respect the rules of the sport they play. Performance enhancing drugs are not only unethical but illegal. They can ruin your childhood, they can ruin your career and they can ruin your life.
The competitive drive for an athlete to perform at a very high level permeates my high school.
Instead of putting at your high school, try:
The competitive drive for an athlete to perform at a very high level permeates my high school, along with many others nationwide.
This shows that your high school isn't the only one with the quality of high schools being competitive or more serious at sports.
I also experienced the lure from some athletes exhibiting great success over a short amount of time.
Here at the end of the first para, I am still working to keep all the ideas in mind so I can determine the main theme. Maybe you can find a place here in the intro to express the thesis statement that will anchor the essay to a single, memorable idea.
Oh... drugs! Give a sentence in that intro to tell the main idea...
You have some great sentences in paragraph 2.
I like your examples... here, you need another comma:
They can ruin your childhood, they can ruin your career,