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Not easy, but worth; Common App- Travelling Bug


ThePirateKing 3 / 6  
Oct 17, 2012   #1
This my Essay C for the common app. I was really hoping I could get some feedback and criticism on it.

Thanks in advance!

Travelling: it is something everyone should have the pleasure of experiencing. I have had this pleasure throughout my life and started travelling at a very young age. When I was two months old I took my first plane ride the UK to visit my father's side of my family. Now, being only two months old I can't exactly say I remember it in detail, but I still like to think it made the first impact on my life. After that first trip my family and I would travel back and forth, every other year if we could, to Wales and England. This was only the beginning of my adventures. My father works for Chevron and travels around the world to different job sites. This made growing up difficult. He would leave home for three weeks and then come back for one for about eight years of my life. It was on that eighth year that he finally invited my mother and me along. Our destination: China. Ten years ago and I still remember details like it was yesterday. There were malls that were underground, small animals I'd never even imagined, and buildings twice the size of any I'd ever seen. I will never forget that trip. It was the trip of a lifetime and when I caught my first travelling bug. Seeing everything was just intoxicating and fascinating. To see the way the other side of the world lived was exciting. I couldn't wait to get home and tell everyone how amazing it was, but of course there were the nonbelievers. My teacher of all people was one of them. She sent a letter home accusing me of lying and making up stories about my trip so my own father took off work one day to come to school and show the teacher all the pictures of me and ended up giving a presentation to the students about China. To this day my family still gets a kick out of the story; I just wish I could remember the teacher's face when she was proven wrong. However that was only the beginning: five years later when I was twelve my dad gave us the opportunity to move to South Korea. We gladly accepted the move and packed up and left. The two years there just added to my travelling kick. This time I made friends and broadened my world perspective. The international school I went to was a melting pot of cultures and I got to experience them all. This is the trip I'm most thankful for because it really widened my perspective. I'm very lucky to have had these experiences and unlike many of the other people I meet on these travels I actually appreciate what I've learned. I've seen the Eifel Tower, Big Ben, The Great Wall of China, and the Korean DMZ all before I was eighteen. Now I've embarked on my newest adventure: Australia. I will spend my senior year here seeing the sights and experiencing the culture. It was not an easy decision to leave my friends on the last year of school with them, but it is definitely worth it. I can't wait to see where else life will take me.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 2, 2012   #2
When I was two months old I took my first plane ride the UK to visit my father's side of the family.

Ten years ago, and I still remember details like it was yesterday.

It was the trip of a lifetime and when I first caught the travelling bug.

She sent a letter home accusing me of lying and making up stories about my trip, so my own father took off work one day to come to school and show the teacher all the pictures of me and ended up giving a presentation to the students about China. ---That was awesome!

However that was only the beginning: five years later when I was twelve, my dad gave us the opportunity to move to South Korea.

I've seen the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, The Great Wall of China, and the Korean DMZ all before I was eighteen.

Great essay!

:)
rondevious 1 / 13 3  
Nov 11, 2012   #4
Not sure if you sent your essay in already of not...

I think you should elaborate a little more in depth about the impact each trip had on you. You seem to just state them and how amazing they were, you don't seem to really grow from the experience much.

Just my two cents :D


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