Here's my answer to the Brown prompt of Please tell us more about your interest in Brown. Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?
The limit is supposed to be 1000 char and currently mine's at 1047. I'm not too worried but it'd be helpful if you could point out a thing or two to shorten. My aim was to not talk about the New Curriculum and stereotypical stuff that everyone else seems to do. Opinions, criticisms, anything would be loved. Thanks!
I remember that I was the only one who laughed at my tour guide's pH scale joke about Sciences Library. As I chuckled to myself, my group of thirty remained silent. Sure, it was nerdy but it was so me and at the same time, so Brown. That moment of pure correlated quirkiness between me and Brown both sparked and confirmed my love for the school.
I have my own brand of eccentricity, sharpened by sudden midnight drives, an obsession with Slurpees, and a growing array of socks, that I know will seamlessly fit with uniqueness of Brown. The university won't ask me to change but instead embrace what I offer. Also, with my Tourette's Syndrome, I've developed an outlook that doubts the traditional. It's the kind of "never settle" mindset that Brown is built off of, seen in how its student body fights for its right to hold the Naked Donut Run and against its fear of the university becoming too corporate. It's not just Brown's outstanding educational offerings but also its one-of-a-kind energy that have bred my infatuation for the school.
the first paragraph is great. however, the first three sentences of the second paragraph kind of threw me off.
1. I have my own brand of eccentricity, sharpened by sudden midnight drives, an obsession with Slurpees, and a growing array of socks, that I know will seamlessly fit with uniqueness of Brown.
-how do you fit in with uniqueness? the whole point of being unique is that you are different from other people. i think that it was just worded wrong. If you meant to say that your being unique would fit in at Brown, which is a unique school, then i think that you should say that.
2. The university won't ask me to change but instead embrace what I offer.
-most universities won't ask you to change. if they like you, they accept you. If they don't like you, they deny you. i just think that this sentence does nothing as to explain why you chose Brown.
3. Also, with my Tourette's Syndrome, I've developed an outlook that doubts the traditional.
-"doubts" is the wrong word to use
-i don't understand how Tourette's and an unconventional outlook relate. maybe explain more?
Other than those things. This is pretty good.
Good Luck! Hope I helped :)
1.Well, I think being unique doesn't necessarily means being quirky. And quirkiness is not the biggest characteristic of Brown, right? Every university, just like every single person, is unique and, in a way, quirky. So I don't think it is a good aspect to talk about.
2.Meanwhile, all students tend to write that they are eccentric, unconventional. You did unveil part of the eccentricity of you, but I think you still need to talk about sth more about your thought, your unconventional ideas, in order to stand out.
These are my comments, just IMP. Hope they may help you =)
Your first paragraph is awesome. I know exactly what you're talking about, and I understand why Brown appeals to you. But I think what's gonna make your second paragraph more powerful is if you expand on the Tourette's Syndrome. That's something you've got that no one else does. Milk it!
That's my two cents.
Oh and thanks for your take on my essay :) good luck!
