GREETINGS
i am sending you another personal essay which is on economics.please edit it and guide me if there are any areas for corrections.please rate this essay out of 10 so that i can identify its worth.
thank you for your coperation
PERSONAL STATEMENT
Intrigued by the melodrama of the economic activity of a developing country Pakistan, I tuned myself with economic ideas. The analytical and realistic approach required by the study of economics appeals my conscience. A sound understanding of mathematical concepts has equipped me with logical thinking and problem solving abilities which are, need less to say, beneficial in economics. An indepth analysis of the problem posed by unstable Sensitive Price Index (SPI), energy inefficiency and emissions (particularly electricity) and excessive defense budget has generated my interest particularly in Development and Welfare Economics.
Diversified subjects--- Accounting, Chemistry and As Physics, have groomed my reasoning skills and enhanced my thinking abilities. General Paper in particular inculcated in me argumentative skills and taught me thorough evaluation of theories and facts. My essay on Arms Control, Disarmament, and International Security (ACDIS) won applause from my teachers as I dexterously explained the negligence of poverty due to mammoth defense expenditure.
In lieu of my interest in International trade policies and the working of WTO, I participated in a regional seminar on 'Discrimination or Globalization'. Contesting the wisdom behind encouraging imports from member states in trade bodies, I supported the developing countries in their cause. In another seminar organized by Jinnah Council of Social Sciences, I gave a presentation on 'Disasters: natural or social?' Disasters happen in society, of which economy is a subset. Therefore I maintained in my speech the importance of the role of social scientists in disaster management. I believe political and social problems of a country are immensely influenced by economic policies. My aptitude pursued me to take part in a brainstorming session on 'The political, social and economic problems of Pakistan' organized by the British Council. I was awarded the title of 'Young leader' due to my effective communicative abilities and lateral thinking. All such activities have widened my vision and hence taught me the skill to think rationally and express my views cohesively.
I believe responsibility of spreading knowledge is incumbent on educated pupil. Having the distinction of acquiring 100% in As Accounting, I taught the subject to O and As-level students. It was a gratifying experience and as I worked with students who had varied approach towards solving problems, I realized the importance of patience and significance of preservation in acquirement of success. The improvement in my communicative skills and confidence are also invaluable benefits I gained from teaching.
Participation in a nationwide Model United Nation was an enthralling experience. My profound love for economics made me represent Pakistan on the Economics committee. Development Disparities and the Millennium Development Goals (MDG) was a key issue in my address to the assembly.
My greatest honour was to be nominated as the Campus Counselor of my college in 2007. The principal nominates only those students who excel in studies, have a clean character record and enjoy high integrity among fellow students. I had to talk to students about their reckless habits, selection of subjects in O and A levels and to solve their study problems. This has been an absorbing learning venture for myself, as it equipped me with crisis resolution abilities, and instilled in me calmness when dealing with students of different temperaments.
Utilizing my counseling abilities and complementing my desire for welfare of humanity, I took care of orphans at Edhi's rehabilitation centre which, incidentally was situated adjacent to my college. It was a gratifying experience and I became conscious of my duty, as an individual to serve effectively our society.
The diversity of culture and traditions in the world are captivating for me. I participated in a 'Cultural Exchange Program' between Turkey and Pakistan organized by PakTurk Foundation. The brotherly love showered on us by the people of Turkey made me realize that through understanding and appreciation of each others cultural values, the world can become a better place.
I am an eager sportsman and played for my college cricket and football teams. In fact I was the member of the selection committee for both the teams.
In my leisure time, I read books on various topics. I like to enquire about the minds of successful individuals and found the book 'Seven habits of successful people' by Dale Carnedge quite captivating. Often I write articles in magazines such as 'Toleration in a multi-religious world' published in the 'US' magazine.
The experience of pursuing my education in Britain would be familiar for me as I have visited Britain twice. I highly anticipate commencing my university life and benefit form the high standards of teaching and research facilities available at the British Universities. I am sure that my urge to excel academically and contribute in all areas of campus life, will help me to adjust amicably in the new environment and assist me to overcome the upcoming challenge.
Greetings!
I think your essay is well-written, cohesive and informative! I would give it a 9 out of ten. I have just a few editing suggestions, which I've marked in bold:
Intrigued by the melodrama of the economic activity of a developing country, Pakistan, I tuned myself with economic ideas. The analytical and realistic approach required by the study of economics appeals to my conscience. A sound understanding of mathematical concepts has equipped me with logical thinking and problem solving abilities which are, needless to say, beneficial in economics. Anin-depth analysis of the problem posed by an unstable Sensitive Price Index (SPI), energy inefficiency and emissions (particularly electricity) and an excessive defense budget has generated my interest particularly in Development and Welfare Economics.
Diversified subjects--accounting, chemistry and As physics--have groomed my reasoning skills and enhanced my thinking abilities.
Because of my interest in International trade policies and the working of WTO, I participated in a regional seminar on 'Discrimination or Globalization'.
My aptitude allowed me to take part in a brainstorming session on 'The political, social and economic problems of Pakistan' organized by the British Council.
I believe the responsibility of spreading knowledge is incumbent on an educated pupil.
It was a gratifying experience and as I worked with students who had varied approachestowards solving problems, I realized the importance of patience and significance of preservation in acquirement of success. [I am not sure what this phrase means.]
Participation in a nationwide Model United Nations was an enthralling experience.
Utilizing my counseling abilities and complementing my desire for the welfare of humanity, I took care of orphans at Edhi's rehabilitation centre which, incidentally,was situated adjacent to my college. It was a gratifying experience and I became conscious of my duty, as an individual,to serve effectively our society.
The brotherly love showered on us by the people of Turkey made me realize that through understanding and appreciation of each others'cultural values, the world can become a better place.
In fact I was a member of the selection committee for both the teams.
I like to enquire about the minds of successful individuals and found the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven R. Covey [or perhaps you meant How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie?]quite captivating.
I highly anticipate commencing my university life and benefiting from the high standards of teaching and research facilities available at the British Universities.
Good job!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
