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'Economic field / High rankings' the qualities of University of Michigan


ZombAA 2 / 5  
Oct 23, 2012   #1
Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

There's two essay down there, can anyone revise both of them please. Please tell me which one are better, and please check the grammar please, I'm bad with these grammars.

Essay 1
From all the memory I can remember, I find myself being help by others all the time. Strangers, friends, acquaintances, I have been help by all of them. They always walk up to me help whatever I need without saying a word. I feel ashamed of myself, I have always been receiving bills, but I never pay my bill back to them. All the bill I received have stack in to mountain, I could never pay the loan for the bills I get. The help I get is priceless, it worth more than anything I have. From what I experienced, I decided to become the top 1% of this society. I want to do everything I could for the bottom 99%. I want to be the one helping others too.

I find a chance for me to become the top 1% of this society in University of Michigan. In this top rank university, I find myself more chance than other university. University of Michigan has a high ranking on Medical a Economic field over the world. Medical and Economic, the majors I might find myself a chance to achieve what I wanted.

In the Medical field of University of Michigan, there's a very high ranking, I think is has the best medical school in Michigan. It might be hard to become the top 1% of the society in the Medical field, but there's always other things I can help others. In this field, I can find myself to be the one who gives healthiness and happiness to much people I could. I want to have us human live longer, I want to saved the life of others to prevent the sadness of their family.

The Economic field in this college are also the strength of this university. Economic is where I can find my chance to be in the top 1% of this society. A high risk can be taken from this course, but we always said rewards comes with effort. Which I believe is true, as long if I try hard, I will get my reward from it. Being professional in this major, I can make our economy much better.

I also did find a solution for the high risk Economic field have. The "Double Major Program" in University of Michigan can solve all my problem, whether my decision or get rid of the risk. I want to take both medical and economic major, I know it hard to take two serious major together, but there's nothing can stop me from my decision. I really want to do all I could to help others.

University of Michigan gives out a huge amount of chance for their alumni, I want to be the one to get the chances also. I want use the chance I got to enable the dreams of others. I want the little chance of mine will benefit the society.

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Essay 2
As long I still can remember, I have always been receiving help from others. Every time I needed help, someone will come to me and help me without saying anything, whether if they are a stranger or someone I know. I felt ashamed of myself every time I received help from others. I don't have the authority to be helped, I don't want to be helped. I always sense myself being guilty for receiving helps. Reasons are simple, I can't never lend a hand to someone I don't really know of, all I can do is watched. When I see people need help, I could never move a inch toward them, no matter how loud I cried out inside me telling me to move, I couldn't do anything. I'm just a coward that couldn't even look straight into other people's eyes.

I don't mind to be a coward, as long I am able to help others. I want to pay my bill back to those I owe, and also giving things to someone for free. I want the world to start a chain reaction, a chain that a little help from one person can leads to a big help to others. I did find out I couldn't help anyone directly, but I still could help, even if it indirectly, I want to help everyone. I find out all I can do is to go to University of Michigan, where has I have been interest all the time. Also it has the major, ranking, place, and chances.

In this university, I can have my dream become true. University of Michigan has very high ranking on economic and medical field. In the medical field, U of M has a very ranking in the world. If I were graduate from the medical school of this university, I'm sure I will receive a high skill on curing others. Even what I learn depends on how hard I try, but University of Michigan will teach more deeper knowledge than other universities for sure. I can find my self helping a huge amount of people in this community. I can't go help others I do not know, so I will need them to come to me. In economic, it looks there's nothing you could help the communities, but it contains more things to help. Especially in this high economic ranking university. Raise the economic condition in this country, and maybe donating some money to who needs them. If the economy gets better, then everyone in this country can be help.

Also this college is in the best city in Michigan, where I might give my self more chance to find who needs help. I want to find all the chances in this university. Never misses any chance i can help others, I want to try my best to help others. This university has everything I wanted, the major, place, and also the chances.

OP ZombAA 2 / 5  
Oct 23, 2012   #2
No one, can anyone revise my essay soon.
Nmail 1 / 2  
Oct 23, 2012   #3
It looks good over all, but you should try find someone to check you grammar.
himanshusahay 3 / 24  
Oct 24, 2012   #4
Check your grammar, ask a teacher, else colleges will frown at the essay.

Review mine?
Namel 1 / 4  
Oct 24, 2012   #5
I actually don't know which one is better, but both grammar should be checked.
jakejellings201 1 / 6  
Oct 24, 2012   #6
I found that you use the word "I" a little too much and "I find". Try to mix your sentences a bit so that your sentences doesn't seem like reiteration. It's awesome that you want to go into the Medical and Economic field, but your reasoning on why you want to attend is a bit vague, try explaining more in detail.

"In the Medical field of University of Michigan, there's a very high ranking, I think is has the best medical school in Michigan. It might be hard to become the top 1% of the society in the Medical field, but there's always other things I can help others." ----- In this sentence, I would get ride of the "I think" because this is your essay so everything you write is about what you think, it also makes you seem a little unsure.

" A high risk can be taken from this course, but we always said rewards comes with effort. Which I believe is true, as long if I try hard, I will get my reward from it. Being professional in this major, I can make our economy much better." ------- I really like this sentence because it shows your understanding of hard work = success and it gives, at least for me, a feeling that you have the right mindset to succeed.

Maybe also talk about why you want to have both Medical and Economics majors and how those two connect.

But yeah, like what the others said, work on the grammar, maybe have a parent, english teacher, or friend check it for you. Oh, and you have the right passion when you write that you want to be at the top 1% in the society of the medical field, but anyone would want that for themselves too, the question is what makes you stand out to the college administrators that you will make it to the top?


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