Hi, I appreciate and suggestions u can give me Thanks!!
China. Turn on the TV, read Business Week, and it feels like a matter of time that the country rises to the top. Studying in Beijing the summer of 2009, the pace of development was made it clearer. Every morning I watched eight cranes diligently working to add more buildings to the now crowded scene. Walk down the street of Wangfujin, and the stores packed all with residents flocking towards the high class stores such as Rolex, and Chanel. The advancements in the city create an atmosphere nothing like my grandma described, make me wonder "Why not now?"
It was answered quickly. Barely driving outside the city limits of Beijing, the high-rises vanish into straw roof houses and shoeless kids scampering across the dirt school grounds. Pacing through the area I ask a villager if he has seen the city. Only in pictures he replies, too expensive to travel there. Barely 30 minutes from Beijing, the grand site of the 2008 Olympics, and the one billion people in China who live in poverty become a painful reality check.
China triggered my understanding that the power of economics brings. I stood in awe of the immense success that was seen inside the street of Beijing, yet walked the sanded streets of Chuangdixia wondering why so many were left out. From daily transactions, to the policy of a country, economics affects everyone's life and the sharp contrasts in its consequences create a fascinating journey to discover.
This is an excellent topic for the supplemental essay. I, myself, have also seen this paradox firsthand. I think it's a perfect reason to go into economics.
However, there were a few structural things that caught my attention as I read your essay. Here are some revisions (some are pretty bad) that may help you polish your piece:
"China. Turn on the TV, read Business Week, and it feels like a matter of time before that country rises to the top. Studying in Beijing the summer of 2009, I saw the pace of development firsthand . Every morning I watched eight cranes diligently working to add more buildings to the already crowded scene. Walking down the street of Wangfujin, I can see buildings packed with residents flocking towards high class stores--Rolex, Louis Vuitton , Chanel. The advancements in the city create an atmosphere nothing like my grandma described, making me wonder "Why not now?"
The question was answered quickly. Barely driving outside the city limits of Beijing, the high-rises vanish into straw roof houses and shoeless kids scampering across the dirt school grounds. Pacing through the area I ask a villager if he has seen the city. Only in pictures he replies, too expensive to travel there. Barely 30 minutes from Beijing, the grand site of the 2008 Olympics, and the one billion people in China who live in poverty become a painful reality check.
Being in China triggered my understanding about the power of economics. I stood in awe of the immense success that was seen inside the street of Beijing, yet walked the sanded streets of Chuangdixia wondering why so many were left out. From daily transactions, to the policy of a country, economics affects everyone's life and the sharp contrasts in its consequences create a fascinating journey to discover."
Good luck to you!
Yea seeing such a contrast in the wealth, has really made question how close china really is. I appreciate the help though!
China triggered my understanding about the power that economic growth can bring.---I revised this sentence, but I don'[t know if this is what you intended to say. Is this revision okay?
From daily transactions to the policy of a country, economics affects everyone's lives, and the sharp contrasts in its consequences create a fascinating journey. to discover. --This is another sentence I revised a little.
When you say, "Why not now?" I think it is not clear... I don't know exactly what you are referring to... China rising to the top?
You can improve this if you write a few sentences about what is causing China's economy to grow so rapidly. Just give a sentence or two to show that you have some understanding of economics already.
:-)
