Prompt #1 (transfer applicants)
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Please review and give feedback, thank you.
Ever since I could remember, I was always money driven. The simple idea of earning money for working simply captivated me. In my early teens, I would find myself to be quite aggravated to the fact that employers did not consider hiring applicants under the age of 16. However, this did not stop my search for employment. At the age of 15 I was rather grateful to have landed on a job. I was employed by a local McDonald, I was given the duties of a drive- thru cashier and a minimum wage salary. While my friends were enjoying their weekends in the mall and movie theater, I was busy taking orders and giving change. Unlike most Americans I had great understanding on how to manage my earnings, I would place 60% of my income into a savings account and 40% into a checking account for personal use.
Throughout High School I have always maintained to carry on a steady and stable job. It wasn't until my senior year where I have discovered the term 'investment', this allowed me to put my money to work and earn me a profitable income. I was fascinated with the idea and the wide range of investment possibilities. I quickly began surfing the web and I stumbled upon so many opportunities, in no time I found myself creating large sums of profit. I began purchasing bulks of high demand electronics for half of their retail price and selling them trough craigslist. I was astonished with my earnings and quite successful at what I was doing. Nevertheless, to my disappointment I began noticing a decrease in sales and in customers due to the recession that we are currently recovering from. This recession took an enormous hit in our nation's economy, franchises were going out of business and the unemployment rate was at its highest. Americans were running out of options to provide for their families, everything seemed to be going downhill.
On the other hand this recession evoked a great investment opportunity, flipping real estate. I began working alongside with my dad, we have been buying foreclosed and bank owned property for less than half of the price they originally were 5 years ago. We would renovate these homes to attract tenants and put them up for rent. The rent would be charged to cover the mortgage, tax, and other costs to maintain the property. There are two strategies to produce profit; we can either be very patient and collect rent to cover the property expenses until the mortgage is fully paid or we can wait a few years till the real estate market recovers, the property value rises, and we sell. I was truly overwhelmed with all the possible contingencies that could be profitable with just a bit of one's effort. I took great interest and was absolutely mesmerized by economics, I gained quite a bit of knowledge from my involvement with investments. I can genuinely say that I did not choose economics as my major, it chose me.
this is pretty good. makes you sound pretty legit in the field of economics. good work -pat on the back-
there are some comma mistakes throughout. below are some of them, but there are couple more. be sure to go back and read through.
At the age of 15, I was rather grateful to have landed on a job.
Throughout High School, I have always maintained to carry on a steady and stable job.
On the other hand, this recession evoked a great investment opportunity, flipping real estate.
please read mine
your essay is good. proof read over and over to find common mistakes. dont forget your commas
Look at how your last paragraph tarts with a sentence about working with your dad, a continuation of a little narrative, and then it ends with an affirmation of your desire to pursue economics. You should make each paragraph represent one main idea.
At the start, you do not have to present yourself as money-driven (but if you do, use a hyphen). You can instead say that you have always been preoccupied with security for your family. That means the same thing, but it sounds better! Another option is to say you have been fascinated by society's system of commerce.
"I began purchasing bulks of high demand electronics for half of their retail price and selling them trough craigslist."
That should be through right?
Overall, your essay is well-written. I can hear your voice in my head as I read it. Good job.