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Economics, management, analyze a case, international student - UofT admission


Drinktea 1 / 1  
Jan 22, 2011   #1
I'm an international student. Now I live in Canada, and this year I apply the University of Toronto.As many people konw, they need students to submit a SAF(many questions) includee some short essays.So I hope someone can check my essays, find my grammatical, punctuation errors, and give me some advices.Thank you very much. ;)

What is your favourite subject and why? (100 words or less)
Economics is my favorite subject among all the other subjects. Economics has a strong connection with our daily life. Basically, it is a very important subject because it helps me to analyze many human interactions happened while our world becoming more globalizationer. Also, it is a good subject that will help me to expand my understanding of the world. In addition, economics is closely connected with some subjects like business studies, politics which I am also interesting about. I think I will know more about economics if I go to university.

Why are you interested in this program? (100 words or less)
Management is interesting and challenging program. With this program, I can learn more about how people think and act in their workplace, thus, help me to becoming a outstanding business leader in the future. As we know, The world is becoming globalization, Management can assit me to discover more and more opporunites. I can make my life better and better, then I can help our society to devlop. And that why I want to go to university, it is the right place to help me learn more konwledge about this program.

What experiences and skills might you bring to this field? (100 words or less)
When I was studying in high-school , my teacher always tell me when you analyze a case about something happened in the world. You need to look all aspects of it , then you can judge it fairly, also you will understand more about it. If I want to become a outstanding people in this field, I need follow many rules, like if I have a meeting, I can't be late, be on time. Honesty and keep faith are also very important. That I learn from my parents. I will improve my skills and get more experiences in university.

Please describe your writing and communication skills, indicating particular strengths or weaknesses (100 words or less)
As an international student, English is my second language. When I came to Canada, I need talk with my teacher in English and write essays in English. At beginning, it is quite difficult, but with teahcers and friends's help, I overcome many troubles. When I communicate with others, I always follow my rule which is "Listen quickly and speak slowly", thus I can communicate more easily. When I write some essays, I need use foreigners thoughts not my navtie thoughts, because two cultures are different. I need develop this as time goes on.
ARIA 16 / 43 1  
Jan 22, 2011   #2
Drinktea
Hi there
Your first paragraph has two main problems.
First, your writing is a little vague in the way that if we omit the word "economics" is difficult to understand what you really like or what are you talking about.

"Economics is my favourite subject among all the other subjects". what could be other subjects? Biology, criminology ? ... At least you can mentioned some of them or tell in the field of social sciences I prefer economics.

You could start like this;
I would like to improve my knowledge in economics, as a part of social sciences that analyse the ...

Later, the art also can have a strong connection with our life and / or psychology can analyse many of the human interactions, why you do not like those.

In other part "economics can help you for a better understanding of the world", an fact or opinion from you, which is very general.

Then try to explain different aspect of economics with more and deliberate explanation.

As an academic writing you can conclude your paragraph like:

If I have opportunity to choose a major in university, I would like to choose the economics as my major.

You also use some complex and sometimes wrong words such as "globalizationer"
Do not entangle yourself on complex words.

In second paragraph you forgot the economics and started with "management", moreover "how to know people can think and act" is not the main role of the manager, and a psychologist can do it better. Therefore that cannot be a reason to choose this subject.

In academic writing or even speaking avoid give the reminiscence, unless you want to give an examples for supporting your main idea usually at the end of the paragraph. Try to be more precise.

I think the better thing is to use smaller sentences and try to express your main idea at that first part if the sentence, followed by developing the main idea and then examples.

" I found management interesting, because I have some background, which can help me to be a good manager..."
or
" management is a challenging job which would fit with some of my qualification or qualities..."
or
" Management can help me to improve some of my qualities to be a business leader..."

The parts like "Listen quickly and speak slowly", sounds good.
keep on try

ARIA
OP Drinktea 1 / 1  
Jan 22, 2011   #3
ARIA
Thank you very much:)

Drinktea
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 13, 2011   #4
Awesome, Aria! I am impressed. Thanks for being here and making EssayForum better. I am going to go help with one of your essays right now...

Always strive for efficiency. This sentence is completely unnecessary: Economics is my favorite subject among all the other subjects.
When writing less is always more. That is the same for all communication, and it is why Yoda and Zen masters talk in short sentences.

Holy Moly, I have never seen the word globalizationer, and I think it is not good! :-)

When I came to Canada, I needed to talk...

:-)
justme 3 / 6  
Feb 14, 2011   #5
I suppose the deadline for submitting this has already passed last month. :\
Nevertheless, I think you need to correct this :

In addition, economics is closely connected with some subjects like business studies, politics which I am also interested about.

I think I will know more about economics if I go to university.
Do not ever show that you yourself are confused about your objectives. Try to be confident and sure about yourself.

Management is an interesting and a challenging program. OR
Management seems to be quite interesting and challenging to me. (program )

I can learn more about how people think and act in theirat workplaces;/. thus, ...

an outstanding business leader

As we know, Thethe world is becoming globalization, m anagement can assist me to discover more and more opportunities .

to analyze many human interactions happened while our world becoming more globalizationer This part sounds weird to me. Try to change the sentence structure or something.

I can make my life better and better , then and in the future I would be able to help our society to develop . And that why I want to go to university (<------unnecessary) I believeit is the right place this program would help me to learn more about my field of study and career.

When I was studying in my high-school , my teacher always toldusthat when you analyze a case about something happened in the world related to worldly issues, you should look at all aspects of it andyou can judge it fairly, also you will to understand more about it. If I want to become a outstanding peopleestablish myself in this field, I need to follow many rulesto be highly disciplined, like if I have a meeting, I can't be late, be on timeand punctual . Honesty and faith are also very important. That I learn from my parents. I will improve my skills and get more experiences in university.

What I learnt from my parents are honesty and patience/determination and I am eagerly looking forward to improving my skills and gaining more experiences because---

As an international student, English is my second language. (<---they already know that) When I came to Canada, I needed talk with my teacher in English and write essays in Englishjoined English classes and tried improving my communication skills . At first , it seemed to be quite difficult for me , but with the help of my teachers and classmates, I gradually overcame this problem. When I communicate with others, I try to follow my rule which is "Listen quickly and speak slowly" when communicating, thus I can communicate more easilyWhen I write some essays, I need use foreigners thoughts not my navtie thoughts, because two cultures are different. I need develop this as time goes on.

and by now, I have improved my writing skills through a lot of practices. I hope to learn and improve my English even more as time passes.

You need use a spellchecker :)
I hope this works!
I have also applied to U of T this year. Best of luck!


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