Every school teaches their students to follow their dreams, in my case, my dream was and has always been to work in the fashion industry. My elementary school's motto was "Believe, achieve, succeed" and ever since I graduated the fifth grade, this motto has stuck with me and has gotten me through the toughest tasks, from my geography bee in the 6th grade to taking my SATs. I believe that by furthering my knowledge of Fashion at the Art Institute of Dallas will help me achieve my goals to succeed in the fashion field. Ever since I was a young child, I had always had a passion for fashion. Fashion is the most powerful art out there, it's movement, design, and architecture all in one. It expresses one's culture and style, it's everything I love about the world. Fashion is history and art combined, it defines and expresses one's individuality and represents their originality and how they are unique and different from people around them. It teaches us that it's okay to differ from our peers because everyone has a different sense of style and that what makes people stand out as their own person.
After researching numerous different art colleges and programs, I stumbled upon the Art Institute of Dallas which helped me understand that attending the Art Institute of Dallas will allow me succeed in the fashion industry because I will be surrounded by people who strive for a similar outcome and be in an atmosphere that embraces creativity which will motivate me to achieve my goals. The Art institute of Dallas will help be gain access to more knowledge in the fashion industry and build professional networks that will potentially be handy for job opportunities after completing my education. I hope that the education at the Art institute of Dallas will challenge me by teaching rigorous courses which will test and challenge my artistic skills and knowledge of fashion.
I expect my education at the Art Institute of Dallas to not only challenge me but also increase my artistic abilities and ensure that when I begin searching for employment, i am well educated and comfortable in the area well enough to work with experts in the fashion industry. I hope that the Art institute of Dallas will help me attain the credentials I need to succeed in the fashion industry so that I can enter the fashion field with confidence.
Dear Rali6,
I hope your day is well. It is a pleasure to be working with you today.
I like the reason why you chose fashion as a career. However, I think you spend too much time talking about that and not answering the question: "How will your education at the Art Institute of Dallas will help you attain your career goals?"
Please reread your essay and ask yourself, did I answer the question fully?
I do like your introduction and how you mention the motto, "Believe, Achieve, Succeed." This is a great start. I believe this is your thesis statement: "I believe that by furthering my knowledge of Fashion at the Art Institute of Dallas will help me achieve my goals to succeed in the fashion field." If so, I would break the next line into another paragraph to let the ideas flow smoothly. You can keep talking about your passion, but I would reduce the wording and focus more on answering the prompt.
You stumbled upon this school and realized that the atmosphere is perfect: What atmosphere? What did you see in your research that interested you? Can you provide more specifics here? Be more unique. Remember, anyone could have written what you wrote.
... The Art institute of Dallas will help be gain access to more knowledge in the fashion industry ... How will the school help you gain access? What sort of program did they have that interested you? What specific here can you add to strengthen this paragraph? Be more unique here.
... I hope that the education at the Art institute of Dallas will challenge me by teaching rigorous courses which will test and challenge my artistic skills and knowledge of fashion. ... Don't hope. Be more confident here. You know! that the school will challenge you by teaching you rigorous courses. What courses interested you?
... I hope that the Art institute of Dallas will help me attain the credentials I need to succeed in the fashion industry so that I can enter the fashion field with confidence. ... This is your ending sentence for the whole essay. And it seems like a repetition from the above sentence.
Overall this is a good start. You begin with a good introduction. Now we need to work on the content and focusing on answering the prompt. Give me more specifics. What is it that the school has that no other school has. Why is the school so important to you? Make it more unique. Show me your passion as to why this school is the one!
For a good tip: Go in the schools website and research everything about your major. Look at what catches your eye and notice what motivates you as you look. Write it down. Follow your curiosity and passion and write about it.
:-)
I hope I was of help.
I am here to help you further.
Sincerely,
Juan Sebastian Rubio Lopez
"Be Thankful, Always."
Hi Ali, I can see that you have a rather lengthy and meaningful help here from Juan and I hope this is indeed useful towards the creation of your revision.
However, I would like to add that your essay has a lot of elements in it, a little drama, creativity and fun facts, what stood out though, is your passion in pursuing an education not centered to the achievement of a career but rather a lifelong dedication to the craft.
Of course we will have to deal with the facts and the reality of life and in your essay, you are never shy to elaborate such a detailed chronology of your future goals and the bold steps you will take in order to attain those goals.
Lastly, I believe you were able to address the prompt to the best of your ability and I wish you the best of luck in this challenging field of arts.
