I want my education back\ prompt about diversity

Prompt:

The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching,
research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to
foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic
excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live.

Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and
what are your hopes for your college experience?

Essay B

I want my education back. I was born in Saudi Arabia, for the first 3 years of my life I lived in Jeddah KSA. But then my family moved to Los Angeles USA where I spent my first 3 years in education. Like any child, it was a new experience, an experience where I would find new precedents to set my life onwards.

In a short notice we then moved to Central America Belize, which I found astonishing. From the amazing Arecaceae trees flowering its branches to the turquoise diamond clear sea. The school I attended was called La Isla Bonita Elementary School. I believe I had been put in a very diverse school where the Belizian culture had taught me a lot. The most important thing I learned was honesty, my school encouraged people with kind traits and occasionally gave awards to those who embodied it, and I was one of them. I believe that because of La Isla Bonita I will always remember one of the most important traits to have in life. My childhood friend was Belizian, and because of him I was always learning new stuff about his culture.

After 2 years in Central America, it was time to go back home. I started my education in Saudi, where I faced a couple of hurdles along the way. I didn't know Arabic very well (my first spoken language was english). I was put in a class of 30 students, juggled between classrooms, teachers not caring about the students needs made it even harder to get the sought after value from the course of a normal school day. Not until recent years of high school I had realized the results of a stagnant system. I then knew that I must take control in order to succeed. But through the bumps, ups and downs, I managed to repair a fraction of the damage. Everything that I had learned, I learned by myself. I needed guidance, but couldn't find it. I believe guiding myself has taught me fundamental understanding of myself and the world in which I live in. I knew what a good education system felt like from my early experience in Belize.

All of my experiences and travels taught me what diversity means. I believe I can contribute to the University of CU-Boulder by the many positive traits which I have gained from growing up in various settings.

The thought of studying at the University of Colorado Boulder is wonderful, I would love to study there since its one of the states top universities. Ultimately, I hope to join the community of Boulder in their ride of education. I believe the University of CU-Boulder is the right place for me.

Please critique. I think it needs more stuff to show my personality. Comment if so. thank you.

-- phrase, not a sentence. Put a verb to complete its idea.


-- The sentence has two ideas, so it turns to be ambiguous. You may either have to put an appropriate conjunction or make it into two sentences.

..about the students' needs...


I was put in a class of 30 students,juggled between classrooms. Likewise, teachers did not even care about the students' needs and the value of a normal school day.


I learned everything all by myself.


I sought for guidance, but I could not unfortunately found it.


-- Great idea!
I believe that through self-reliance, I have learned the fundamental understanding of myself and the world in which I live in.


--Another excellent idea!