In the closets of all family homes lay the countless photo albums that capture the memories of us as children. There's always the embarrassing butt shot from the toddler years (hopefully), and the oh so adorable picture of a huge smile revealing the two missing teeth we were all so excited to receive a dollar for. These pictures are perfect examples of the saying 'a picture's worth a thousand words.' They tell stories: it may be the story of when one got lost in the mall, or how a mannequin fell on top of one and cracked her head open (These may be from personal experience). For me, looking back on these photos and reminiscing on moments that I had forgotten about is one of the best feelings in the world. The stories these pictures tell are different for everyone, but they all describe one thing: our childhood. Our childhood is the foundation of the rest of our lives, and it has such a large impact on who we become, what we dream of, and how we perceive things.
My childhood consisted of many important factors such as my education, community, and beliefs. However, the most important is the amazing people I've been surrounded by since the day I was born. I've grown up with amazing family and friends, people who have always supported me in whatever I set out to do. These incredible people are a huge part of my world, and I'm positive that without them in my life I would be no where near where I am today; especially without my family. I have an infinite amount of memories that I share with them, and I hold them very close to my heart. They've shaped what I believe in, and have taught me to be hard working, understanding, and to always treat others with respect. Also, if it weren't for my family I wouldn't have the dream to travel the world. My mother, aunts, and uncles were very lucky to travel the world when they were children because my grandpa was a pilot. While I was growing up, I heard countless stories of adventures from skiing in Austria to seeing castles in Ireland. I'd love to be able to experience all that they did, and hope to travel abroad in college. I have a passion for foreign languages and other cultures, and I hope to expand my knowledge of these two in college.
Without the childhood I was given I would be completely different. I cannot express how thankful I am for everything I've been given, and I will do anything to take what I have and continue to make the best out of it. I will take my dreams and use them to change the world for the better, whether it has a small impact on a lot of people, or a huge impact on just one person. My world is fairly typical now; I'm a high school girl living in a small town with a big dream. But I can guarantee that if I am accepted into this college, I will take my typical world and turn it into something extraordinary.
Nice writing! I love the introduction and the topic. A few things that you could do:
Instead of saying the word picture twice, These photos are perfect examples of the saying 'a picture's worth a thousand words.'
They tell stories: it may be the story of when one got lost in the mall, or how a mannequin fell on top of one and cracked her head open (These may be from personal experience).
LOL I know what you are saying, but you may want to re-word this sentence.
reminiscing on moments that I had forgotten about reminiscing about forgotten moments
My childhood consisted of many important factors such as my education, community, and beliefs. I would say this differently. remove the word "factors"
My world is fairly typical now; I'm a high school girl living in a small town with a big dream. But I can guarantee that if I am accepted into this college, I will take my typical world and turn it into something extraordinary.
You have the right idea here, you are over-generalizing however. The university wants to know that you are a person with a plan, be sure to emphasize this. Your essay needs to show the reader that you have short-term and long term goals. You write well. Good luck in school!
I totally agree with jennyflower. The introduction and the topic is great! The intro is engaging and even humorous.
jennyflower has done the grammar corrections, so I'll just comment on the content of your essay.
You seem to be over-generating by the middle and end of your essay. Your introduction was great because it had specific and original anecdotes/points that supported what you were saying. The middle and last paragraph, however, has none of these specific points.
For example, "They've shaped what I believe in, and have taught me to be hard working, understanding, and to always treat others with respect.", how have they done this? It may help to provide another anecdote. And in that sentence, you may want to break down some of the concepts because it seems like your over-generalizing big points here so it detracts from your essay. Focus on one aspect, like "hard working" or "treat others with respect" and be specific.
Overall, i know that you had a very fun and happy childhood. But i don't get what your dreams and values are. Say how your childhood provided/influenced your dream or values.
Hope this helps!
