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"Education is everything. When you stop learning your mind ceases to grow" ; Florida Uni


Sterlin537 1 / -  
Oct 17, 2013   #1
Leadership, learning, service and global awareness are the common factors that to be a well-rounded and successful person, but in my opinion, learning appeals most to me. A very wise individual once told me, "Education is everything. When you stop learning your mind ceases to grow." That individual was my mom. "Gifted" was a word I remembered form kindergarten. When I Overheard a classmate was gifted in reading and another gifted in math, I wondered rather or not I was. My mom told me I was the best kind of gifted because I excelled in all areas. While this helped my confidence, I was still unclear of the significance this word meant.

All through my education A's came easy for me. My mom always encouraged me to do my very best and to make A's. In tenth grade was the first time I received my first F and I thought it was the end of the world. It made me feel like I didn't measure up to the rest and that I had let my mother down. She further encouraged me that some classes are more difficult and required more effort than others. She told me if I put forth my best effort that's better than the letter grade I receive. My classes have all been honors class my Junior and Senior year. I've been told that if I get a B in an honors class that it's really an A in a regular class. Again, my mom encouraged me to shoot for that A.

I have always liked to challenge myself. Learning encompasses all areas of life. When I take on a new sport or activity, I wasn't allowed to quit. I had to finish what I had started no matter how difficult it might be. From the start it has always been my mother and I. She is a very strong willed individual, who felt it was up to her to succeed. Life itself got in the way when I came along and she couldn't receive the type of education that she had always wanted until about 7 years later. My mother struggled after having me at 19 and did not want this life for me. So even though she drove me crazy with all of her perpetual coaching, I knew it was because she had my best interest in mind.

Through my 4 years of football, 2 years JV and 2 years varsity, I learned the value of teamwork, to be compassionate to others, being able to step up to the plate whenever needed, and most importantly to be a good role model for my peers. Learning and education has been an enormous part of my everyday life thanks to that very wise individual, my mother.

tayleeb - / 19  
Oct 20, 2013   #2
This essay is not bad at all.
I would change the beginning--they know the prompt. Do not waste words restating the prompt. Just jump right in with how learning is important to you.

Besides that, there are some awkward phrasings.

In tenth grade was the first time I received my first F and I thought it was the end of the world.

"I received my first F in tenth grade, and thought it was the end of the world."

"7 years later" should be spelled out: "seven years later." However, the bit about your mom's education is a bit irrelevant. Maybe just make it more concise. "My mother is a very strong-willed person, raising me herself. Her education came to a halt when I was born, but it was important enough to her that she enrolled again seven years later, and instilled those same values in me." Something like that!

"A" becomes repetitive. Switch some of "A's came easy" or "to do my best and make A's" with alternate words such as "great grades" or "the top of the class," etc.

The end also needs to be connected to learning more. Did you learn how to become a good leader or what? It basically sounds like you were trying to find a way to add in some of your extracurriculars...but they already know those! If you choose to keep that in there, make sure you connect it, and spell out "four" and "two."

This is an awesome start though!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 28, 2013   #3
Leadership, learning, service and global awareness are the common factors that to be a well-rounded and successful person, but in my opinion, learning appeals most to me.

Leadership, learning, service and global awareness are all very important for making a person well-rounded. However, for me, learning appeals to me the most.

A very wise individual once told me, "Education is everything. When you stop learning your mind ceases to grow." That individual was my mom.

I feel this a bit too dragged, if not a bit too over-done.
My mom who is a very intelligent person, once told me "Education is everything. When you stop learning your mind ceases to grow".

"Gifted" was a word I remembered form kindergarten. When I Overheard a classmate was gifted in reading and another gifted in math, I wondered rather or not I was.

.... well... I don't understand why you included this sentence :(

My mom always encouraged me to do my very best and to make A's.

My mom always encouraged me to set very high targets for me.


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