I would like some feedback on this application for Rutgers university. Please feel free to make changes and let me know, also if you think i should concentrate more on one thing please let me know. Please be gentle, I am a junior in high school, trying to plan ahead, so i am applying early.
Prompt:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.
I believe Rutgers University will not only offer me a higher level of education, it will also offer me knowledge of different cultures and people. Though New Jersey is a very diverse state, Rutgers offers a safe and comfortable way of interacting with people of different culture. When I visited Rutgers New Brunswick I saw immediately saw signs of diversity when I met a young man named Pier from ---Liberia, majoring in Bioengineering, I can relate as I was born in Ghana. Every culture has its lessons and cultural values, being raised as a Ghanaian, I learned from and early age the Family and respect are top priority. The lesions and value taught to me by my family has taught me are to be a better and respectful and respectable person.
Getting to know different people is a great because there is something interesting about everyone that you will never discover unless you socialize with them, which is one thing high schools lack. In highschool there are certain cliques that people choose to socialize with. Within the college years, most people grown in maturity and respect for other cultures, giving everyone the best opportunity to learn about other cultures and contribute pieces of their culture. Should I be accepted into Rutgers I will be able to benefit and contribute to it's diverse community, born in Ghana I am fluent in Fanti, I can also understand Ga (a language spoken in Ghana around the capital of Accra) but not speak it. I am aware that there is a Swahili language club and I would be very interested in starting a Fanti Language club, it is not a very common language in America, as I am majoring in Business it will broaden my customer range.
Though New Jersey is a very diverse state, Rutgers offers a safe and comfortable way of interacting(interesting what?) with people of different culture.
When I visited Rutgers New Brunswick I saw immediately saw signs of diversity when I met a young man named Pier from
The lesions and value taught to me by my family has taught me are to be a better and respectful and respectable person.
Getting to know different people is a great because there is something interesting about everyone that you will never discover unless you socialize with them, which is one thing high schools lack. This is the thing you can not experience at the high school
Be careful with the grammar and iterations. Better find some teacher who can check your grammar. You have clear idea about the topic but you should practise more
