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Education and my parents - Ucf admissions essay


mcsmike 2 / -  
Sep 24, 2008   #1
Prompt "how has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

I know I need to expand my closing paragraph so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Please feel free to be brutally honest in any corrections you make!

A person is influenced by numerous forces in out society. Our world history is full of admirable heroes but also despicable villains. One's family, with its history, culture, and environment molds him into the adult that he is. Although family history and culture play a large role in the development of ones character, the environment that I grew up in was paramount in forming me.

Education has always been an important part of my environment. My parents constantly pushed me to excel in all aspects of my life, and my education was no exception. Opting to homeschool me, my parents were able to focus on providing a broad education. Our week not only included daily academic studies, but also piano lessons, religious studies, and sports. I was taught Spanish from my mother and German from a tutor. Homeschooling, in addition to providing me with an excellent education, has given me confidence to excel in life. I am in everlasting debt to my wonderful parents who are the driving force behind my education, and are great influence in my life.

My parent influence in my academics is personified through me everyday; however, my loving sisters are responsible for my outgoing personality. Being homeschooled, I spent fifteen years of my life in close contact with my sisters. As I matured, my sisters took responsibility of ensuring that I became a gentleman. They constantly bombarded me with suggestions about how to treat my future girlfriends, and other instances where I was required to be a gentleman. The love my sisters showed me, and the close contact we shared for many years, influenced me into becoming kind and outgoing.

The environment my family created through their never ending love and support has been extremely important in sculpting me into the young adult I am today. I hope to influence others during my enrollment at the University of Central Florida and absorb all the qualities that environment has to offer.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Sep 25, 2008   #2
My parents' influences in my academics is personified through me everyday; however, my loving sisters are responsible for my outgoing personality.

Excellent essay! Only a few corrections. You have a consistent flow, nicely linked paragraphs, and good transitions. Your content answers the prompt nicely and your conclusion is tidy. Good work.


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