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shazia112 1 / -  
Jul 7, 2021   #1


After spending 17 years of my life in poverty, I realized that how much important is the money to protect myself, to build myself, and give my family a better life, and to give back to my community. After graduation from high school and analyzing the facts that have decided to choose Business and Administration as my major and I am quite sure it would greatly benefit me in the future.

I must tell you, my keen interest towards business is as the result of my involvement in helping my father in farming. I am proud of myself belonging to a contended agricultural family and I have been my father's right hand for 14 year or even more, from working in fields to selling goods in marker I've learned very much about the basics of administration and farming but unfortunately the markets have always been a poisonous snake draining the hard earned money out of the hands of small scale innocent farmers like my father, So, my family has suffered a lot through the years and we have been living hard from hand to mouth just because of exploitations of small scale farmers at the hands of mafias in local markets.

Meanwhile all this I've keenly observed the flaws in our markets and I want to address them to help the farmers who are backbone of our society including my father. I want to revolutionized the basics of rules and laws of administration and business in our market and educate the farmers of our society about their rights. Reading and knowing about the success stories of business tycoons and prosperous farmer's I've reached the conclusion that this is only possible only through getting the latest comprehensive knowledge about the basics of cores of business and administration. That's why I want to opt for business and admin.

I choose Korea as my dream destination because nowadays, Korea emphasizes the education ,the competition is very high and there are many prestigious top rated universities of world. A prominent academic fields, whether arts , science and business related courses. Employment opportunities range from international investors all over the world. Also I think this is great opportunity , as I'm always striving to get best out of myself. The universities of south Korea offers the opportunity to take courses which give me insight in business in Korea and Korean Economy. Being enthusiastic about Korean education system and its good reputation it is also safe country with welcoming environment. In addition attending the university in south Korea will be an advantage for me to learn the richness of Korean culture and distinctive blend of traditions that makes it vibrant country. I hope to get thorough knowledge and skills which is highly needed in Pakistan that the economy steps forward as it is now. I therefore decided to apply for GKS program to utilize the opportunity of studying from one of the worlds leading economy, technological giant citadel of great learning to develop my business.

My family is consist of 9 members. My father is farmer and my mother is a housewife , I live in small village of Gilgit Baltistan, Pakistan. Recently I have done my intermediate from a college in Islamabad. I completed my primary school education from local school in my hometown . I was very quite active and brilliant in my studies and extracurricular activities alike and topped the exams and sporting events. Also being head girl of my school my teachers were very impressed with me. I wanted to continue my studies but due to lack of college in my area my studying career almost came to an end as my family was too hand to mouth to pay the finances for my higher education. Thanks to my teachers who insisted my father to send me to city for sake of my utmost will to excel in my life. I shifted to city and got myself enrolled in a government college. Initially, I had to stay in a private hostel but it was costly and its environment was too chaotic for me to focus on my studies. At that time one of my aunt lived near my college so she accommodated me inside her home but , unfortunately, days before the annual exams of my first year F.Sc my aunt died of sudden cardiac arrest and this traumatic event left us devastated. we had to travel for days to get back to my hometown to bury my aunt. Meanwhile all this I was unable to focus on my studies and I couldn't perform well in my exams. My mark were not up to my expectations .My friends and family encouraged me to study harder in 2nd year F.Sc to compensate for the loss in first year.

I've always been a believer of my abilities so I worked hard through the days and nights with all my sweat and blood I could burn to make it through my 2nd year with flying colors but due to worldwide Covid 19 pandemic my exams got cancelled and govt decided to award me my second year marks based on my first year grades. This was painful and I couldn't even bear the disappointment. I applied for admission to many government and private universities and only got admission letter from private universities. Unfortunately, the course was costly and I couldn't even pay the admission fee due to continuously deteriorating financial status of my family. As a result I couldn't make any academic progress during 2020.

Amidst all these setbacks my friends encouraged me to engage in environmental and social welfare activities aimed at conservation of wildlife and community development. I participated in national plantation drive commonly known as "Green Pakistan Initiative". I planted almost 1000 plants with my very own hands and also donated as many plants to the communities. As an active member of my team, I distributed warm clothes and free meals at shelter homes in various cities of Pakistan. I visited slums in outskirts of Islamabad and spent time with long forgotten homeless poor kids living in dismay under the poverty line on occasions of Eids. sharing smiles with the poor kids was the most satisfying and happiest moment of my life. That day I decided to do something extraordinary not for me but for my community, for those poor kids, for the world as whole. as time passed by nature blessed me with strong resolution powers and firm belief in my abilities .I came across a campaigns about studying opportunities in South Korea on scholarships. The scholarships sounded extremely reasonable and here I am learning Korean language since may 2021.

A significant experience in my school is to be selected as head girl of school because my habits are friendly, speaking skills, good communication skills, having leadership skills, to guide and convince students to do right things. from getting opportunity to serve as head girl of school, i also participated in school activities such as debates and school dramas. I have developed my confidence and speech during these activities and also worked with my school council and organized many events and also host these events. My responsibilities includes attending meetings with principal and staffs among others. The experience instilled essential characteristics in me such as leadership skills and communication skills and I believe it would be strong point for me as an aspiring Business expert.

In 2016 Gilgit Educational Development Foundation organized a youth talent exhibition. Schools from all over district participated in multiple programs designed for students to explore their hidden talents. i represented my school in English creative writing content and secured overall 3rd position amongst all the students of my district.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,423 4689  
Jul 8, 2021   #2
The formal application season opens in September. The essay prompts for the season will also be released at that time, It is ill advisable to be writing your personal statement based on the previous season's writing requirements as these prompts are subject to change. I hesitate to give correction advice because of this possibility.

Regardless, I would like to point out that your professional ambition is not a part of the personal statement. That is a "goal of study /" topic instead. It may also be better used as a topic for your post study plans response.As a general note, this essay contains a note of personal bitterness which could be detrimental to the application.

It would be better to hold on to this until the new instructions come out. That will also allow you to consider if you will apply via embassy or uni track, to help you write a more competitive essay.
simranmavi03 1 / 3  
Jul 18, 2021   #3
I can literally see your great efforts.Great work!! I would suggest you to follow up the above mentioned suggestions. These are only things I see wrong.

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