Good evening again, I posted my Statement of Purpose Essay just before, and I am now posting my Personal Essay for transfer to the University of Texas, Austin in the Fall.
Looking for an extra pair of eyes willing to donate some time and criticism on my essay, if possible.
Thank you for your time.
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Personal Essay
Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
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"Education is a social process. Education is growth. Education is, not a preparation for life; education is life itself." John Dewey
"Education:" A simple word which encompasses the teaching and knowledge by learning special skills over a course of one's life, it is the development of reasoning and judgment for society. I find that education is the most effective leveler in today's society because it puts those who embark on academic journeys and work hard for it, on equal footing with those who've already achieved an education. To me, an education is the most valuable credential everyone should strive to acquire not only for one's self, but also for their community.
To overcome the evils of corruption, poverty, and terrorism, I believe education serves as the main fighting platform for which one can build upon. When knowledge and information are spread they're symbolic in which they act as a force that engages individuals in working together within a community by pulling their resources, both educationally and physically. Metaphorically, I consider obtaining a degree equivalent to a person's passport (to their future), bringing about numerous opportunities for an individual to better themselves, their life, and one another. "Our quest for knowledge is something we should never complete, because it is a desire that we should never resist." In other words, in every quest you find yourself upon, you foresee the answer and experience life has thrown at you, including the acceptance of its successes and failures.
I was brought up in a spilt household, my mother and father separated when I was three years old, but did not finalize their divorce until I was eight years old. It took my parents five and a half years to finalize their divorce, because within that time period my relationship with my parents grew full of tensions, heartbreaks, and physical violence. At a young age I was then exposed to my mother's alcoholism, which eventually led me to move in with my sister during my junior year to attend a different high school in San Antonio, Texas. Despite the fact that it took roughly ten years to mend my relationship with both of my parents, my experience and view of this situation along with heavy influence from my sisters made me realize that my education is the most important thing I can ever acquire. Essentially, it is the only thing that will grant me the opportunity to achieve my dreams. As a student who is strongly passionate about international studies with the intention of pursuing a degree, and soon after law school, I consider it imperative for me to emerge myself within a diverse community full of highly intellectual individuals. Through my experiences at a young age I matured quickly and prevailed through countless struggles to see it clearly the value of earning my high school diploma, and in the near future, a baccalaureate degree.
I believe education incorporates many life lessons; it is the essence of culture and civilization matriculating through many generations, which soon becomes influential forces in the development of our values and virtues. Its purpose is to teach us how to lead our lives, and later cultivate us into mature individuals driven towards planning our future. Since I began my college education at San Antonio College back in 2009 it has been the best decision I have made yet. It has helped me identify and answer who I am, what my goals are, and how I intend to contribute back to society, which is through public service. It has allowed me to grow by molding my personality and beliefs towards continuing my drive for a higher education, because education leads us to enlightenment. Education offers people a sense of empowerment, which grants us more options from life, and more importantly the opportunity to make a difference.
I was brought up in a spilt household, my mother and father separated when I was three years old, but did not finalize their divorce until I was eight years old
.... No harm removing those two words to avoid repetition
It took my parents five and a half years to finalize their divorce, becauseand within that time period my relationship with my parents grew full of tensions, heartbreaks, and physical violence.
My suggestion;
The five and half years that was taken for their separation left me with painful memories of heart breaks, physical and verbal abuse that strained my relationship with them severely.Despite the fact that it took roughly ten years to mend my relationship with both of my parents, my experience and view of this situation along with heavy influence from my sisters made me realize that my education is the most important thing I can ever acquire
Despite these hardships and emotional disturbances that took over ten years for me to reconcile with both my parents, my courage, perseverance and strong backing from the sisters helped me realize that I should not give up my studies under any circumstances.Very interesting and you've done a good job!
Good Luck!
This is a well-written essay, but content-wise, I have some issues with it.
A. The prompt says "Choose an issue of importance to you." I don't think you can categorize education as an issue; maybe if you talked about how students in your school don't think their education is important, or the declining number of people pursuing a higher education (IDK if that is true or not). An issue is something you can resolve, and you should also write about how you are trying to resolve your issue, or how you hope to resolve your issue in the future.
And B. You spend a lot of your essay defining education, and not enough talking about you and your life.
"Education is a social process. Education is growth. Education is, not a preparation for life; education is life itself." - John Dewey
