Hi All!
I would really appreciate it if you could give me feedback on my first two NYU Essays (I'm still working on the third one). I am applying to the College of Arts & Sciences as a prospective Economics major, and really want to send my essays in by tomorrow morning (December 31st).
I. Why have you decided to apply to the New York Campus? (700 characters)
New York is a city of abounding educational and professional opportunities; it is the city of my birth and the city I have, over the years, grown to know and love. Given its familiarity and proximity to my home, attending NYU in New York will enable me to keep close contact with my family while taking advantage of many opportunities in the city that I have not yet discovered. As New York has a steady presence of global firms (Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy (LVMH), for example) and visiting international leaders, attending NYU in New York will permit me to use the city as an extension of the classroom, and will allow me to gain professional experience I can apply in business.
II. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals.
Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests?
Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses. (1500 characters, currently 1608 characters)
Over the past six years, I have become an amateur political and economic analyst, a European history buff, and a lover of romance languages and travel. While my interests have pulled me in many directions, I have found that I am most interested in exploring the connections between a nation's sociopolitical history and its government's current policies as well as the effects of those policies on the global economy.
At NYU, I hope to build an education centered around my interests by studying and possibly completing research within a number of departments. Within the Economics department (in which I would like to complete my major), I hope to gain a strong background in economic theory as well as a thorough understanding of global economic systems and their growth and development under the tutelage of professors like Doctor Raquel Fernandez. I also hope to take some courses in the Wilf Department of Politics (and, within that, the Alexander Hamilton Center for Political Economy) in the interest of understanding how public policy can affect international markets. Outside of my major, I hope to take advantage of NYU's global network by studying abroad in the United Kingdom and am very excited about having the opportunity to partake in several internships
Because I ultimately want to go into business (preferably in a European market) I feel that the opportunities I will have to study everything from Economics to European History, Politics, Italian, and French at NYU will help me to become a very competitive candidate for a global career as well as a very well-rounded global citizen.
[Notes:
- I especially need help revising/cutting down the second essay. I'm not sure how well it will be received as it's not in a narrative style, and I'm also not sure if it's organized properly. Also, what does it tell you about me as an applicant?
-I'm using the third essay to show my nerdy side (it's going to be about an economic philosophy book I've read), and my rĂŠsumĂŠ (hopefully along with my LORs and test scores) makes the second essay make sense, so I didn't feel it was necessary to repeat that in this essay. ]
Thanks in advance! :)
1. You have nice reasons, but you repeat "attending NYU" twice in the passage. You could phrase it better
2. the second one is really well written, especially the introduction. Well done lad!
I revised the first essay. Is this a little better?
New York is a city of abounding educational and professional opportunities; it is the city of my birth and the city I have, over the years, grown to know and love. Given its familiarity and proximity to my home, attending NYU in New York will enable me to keep close contact with my family while taking advantage of many opportunities in the city that I have not yet discovered. As New York has a steady presence of global firms (Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy (LVMH), for example) and visiting international leaders, studying at NYU in New York will permit me to use the city as an extension of the classroom, and will allow me to gain professional experience I can apply in business.
Yeah it's much better. But instead of saing "permit me" say something like allow me. Permit me sounds kinda awkward
Hello Again!
The second essay was too long, so I had to cut it down. (1493 characters--YAY!!!)
Please let me know how this sounds!
Over the past six years, I have become an amateur political and economic analyst, a European history buff, and a lover of languages and travel. While my interests have pulled me in many directions, I have found that I am most interested in exploring the connections between a nation's sociopolitical history and its government's current policies as well as the effects of those policies on the global economy.
At NYU, I hope to build an education centered around my interests by studying and possibly completing research within a number of departments. As a student (and prospective major) in the Economics department, I hope to gain a solid background in economic theory as well as a thorough understanding of global economies and their growth and development under the tutelage of professors like Doctor Raquel Fernandez. I also hope to study in the Wilf Department of Politics (and at the Alexander Hamilton Center for Political Economy) to gain an understanding of the effects of public policy on international markets. Outside of my major, I hope to use NYU's global network to my advantage by studying abroad in the United Kingdom and by interning at international firms.
Because I intend to go into business (preferably in the United Kingdom or Europe), I feel that the opportunities I will have to study everything from Economics to European History, Politics, Italian, and French at NYU will help me to become a highly competitive job candidate as well as a sophisticated global citizen.
