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EFA and ESD application - writing about education system with my own opinion


otshd 1 / -  
May 31, 2011   #1
your own opinion on EFA and/or ESD and give specific examples related your experience.

Enabling people to free themselves from poverty and to build sustainable livelihoods is both a key role for
Education and a prerequisite for sustainable development, which brings together three pillars of development:
Society, environment and economy. However, current education practices have not enabled people to live
Sustainably thus far; indeed, many would argue that they have actively contributed to unsustainable living,
Especially in northern or so-called 'developed countries'. However, it must be remembered that education and
learning are part of the interactive dynamic of social change: in order to change society, we need to change the
way we learn and educate, and so as to change the way we learn and educate we need to change society.
Education has risen higher on the internation and national agendas in the last decade since some people
Highlighted the importance and relevance of education for development and role of education in sustainable
Development. As far as I know about education system, humanbeing have rights to be educated and for
some poor family people, being well-educated is the only way to escape from poverty. Because it is vicious circle.
They hardly escape from the situation that they have. At lease education should be given to them.
I can make a example with irish people. For almost all of the European countries do, they do not have to pay
big amount of money when they study in university in comparison to Korea. We have to pay astronomical money,
if not they can not keep their study. However, in Ireland all the people have right to study whether they are
in poor condition family or not. And if they are willing to learn even if they are old, they can have a lot of lesson

for free. As our life expectancy is increasing, we have to prepare education system for elderly people.
Nowadays many people aware how important sustainable development is. For instance, as they study another
Things which they have studied before, they may find interest and it gives them a motivation to live in their life.

guys! have no idea what to write next..give me some example plz if you have..

Describe your motivations for applying to this seminar. Please state why you choose the particular commission and country from the above

Since my early years in high school, I have had the greatest desire to study and live abroad in order to
obtain a truly international experience and build a strong, flexible and open-mind personality.
Fortunately over the past two years, I had a chance to live in Ireland so as to fulfill my expectation. At the
beginning,It was hard to cope with everything by myself though but I overcome all the diffuculties and it turned
out in a good way and this will be my second time to take the plunge. It is because I am not really a kind of person

who can debate proficiently but at least I am ready to argue with people and have a burning ambition as well.
What I want to insist on is I am keen on learing new thing which I have never learned before. That is the reason
Why I am so interested in this seminar. It will be a fantastic experience to discuss with a variety of nationality
people about common issues in our society.Through participating in volunteering activities, I also realized that
how different view of the world we have had. Therefore with this seminar, I would like to improve my insight of
looking at the world.
ESD which stands for education for sustainable development, is fairly well established in developed country
such as America, European Country and it is also becoming the most important thing in almost all
the countries because of increasing rate of life expectancy. Even if they are retired, they still have plenty of time
to live and explore the world. Therefore they need to have develop themselves continuosly so as not to lose their memory.As far as I know about nigerian education system, their education system about sustainable development

is not really working because their life expectancy's are lower than average because of the conflict about religion,
tribe. If I have a chance to announce about Nigerian education system, I would definitely do my best with all of my
devotion.

i'm writing my opinion about education system.. but it's too hard for me as not a native english speaker and even have no idea

with my own language..
lowryder49 7 / 31  
Jun 1, 2011   #2
Enabling people to free themselves from poverty and to build sustainable livelihoods is both a key role for
Education and a prerequisite for sustainable development, which brings together three pillars of development:
Society, environment and economy
( i would put this as part of my thesis at the end of the first paragraph). However, current education practices have not enabled people to live sustainably thus far; indeed, many would argue that they have actively contributed to unsustainable living, . Especially in northern or so-called 'developed countries' (honeestly I don't agree that most northern countries are the developed countries Japan is south). However, it must be remembered that education and learning are part of the interactive dynamic of social change: in order to change society, we need to change the way we learn and educate, and so as to change the way we learn and educate we need to change society.

CAn I give you my personal opinion?: You keep on talking about a educational systeem but you never tell which one I mean I on't know where are you from. Then you CONTINUE AND CONTINUE on this educational system but you don't seem to state any thesis of what you are analysing on it. And there seems to be no clear opinion either so try to check your ideas then connectthem by using adverbial phrases or transitional llinks and try to pave the way for the reader to a final conclusion of your analysis

I don't know if you understan this. In short, 1: organize ideas. What are you talking about? why are you talking about this how it it relevant for the reader and what aspects are you going to emphasize for it. then eeveelop each one as a separate paragraph with only one point of analisys as topic seentence or main idea or first sentence that deals with the whole idea of the paragraph and try to connect the examples to the ideas you have just presented

Finally write a conclusion summarizing everythig

Good luck
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 2, 2011   #3
You capitalized society and education unnecessarily in that first essay.

sustainably, too! Stop capitalizing!!! :-)

typo:
humanbeing human beings have the right to be educated, and for some people from poor families, being well-educated is t he only way to escape from poverty.

I like your ideas!! I think you should use a new paragraph for every new idea you introduce. An essay should have paragraphs that each express an idea, and all those ideas add up to the main idea of the essay. I think you should express the main idea of the essay in the last sentence of the first paragraph.

So... use paragraphs!! My favorite thing to do is use 4-6 sentences per paragraph.

You keep on talking about a educational systeem but you never tell which one I mean I on't know where are you from.

Good point Lorena!!

but it's too hard for me as not a native english speaker and even have no idea
with my own language..

Ha ha, that makes it tough, but keep practicing!! It's okay...
Do you have a great article to read about EDUCATION REFORM? It would be excellent if you had an article that was written in both English and your native language.

:-)


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