Hi Everyone, the essay is due TOMORROW, so please help me.
HKU Personal Statement
I believe that diversity is not a state of being demographically varied, but rather, a state of thinking in a different and unique way. Just as René Descartes, a famous French philosopher, once said, "I think therefore I am", our existence is defined by our thinking. So if our thinking defines our existence, wouldn't our particular ways of thinking define our diversity? Born in Taiwan, lived in El Salvador, and studied in a British school, I was raised in a tri-cultural background. This background I was raised in, along with the different economic situation I encountered and my ability to converse in three languages has shaped my way of thinking in a unique way.
Experiencing different cultures has broadened my perspective. From the more family oriented Taiwan, I understood the importance of family and the responsibility being part of one entails; while going to a British school taught me to be more independent from my family and think for my own good. From the cram school filled Taiwan, I learned the importance of studying hard and good habit for studying; while my school showed me the importance of working hard not for competitions or awards, but for my passions and for the fun of learning. This led me to follow my passion in Archery, where I won a bronze medal in Junior Competition, and Papercrafting, where I create my own papercrafts*. Finally from the patriarchal Asian society, I learned the responsibility and obligations of being a male, such as being accountable and reliable when needed; while from the more gender equal Salvadoran Society I understood the importance of equality and the incorrect perception I had towards women. Due to the frequent conflict and apparent contradiction between my three cultural backgrounds, I was able to question my old assumptions and to embrace newer perspective.
Living in different countries with diverse economic settings has also shaped who I have become. First of all El Salvador's rampant crimes and unstable political stance has made me value the importance of living the moment and appreciating what I have; while Taiwan's recent conversion to democracy let me remember the struggle and the cost of attaining such freedom, such as the Kaohsiung Incident: where death and imprisonment of many important activist eventually led to democracy in Taiwan. Besides that, El Salvador's poverty had taught me to be thrift and economical and inspired me to help change the world. This is why I raised $5000 to help renovate a children's hospital in El Salvador; while the more economically prosper in Taiwan have demonstrated usefulness of money in many occasions. Lastly, the many opportunities offered by the British School gave me many chances to improve myself; however the lack of opportunities in El Salvador has taught me to take advantage of the opportunities offered by my school and appreciate even the smallest help. The great dissimilarity between the developing and developed world has not only let me see the problem of poverty and inspired me to help but also let me appreciate my privileges.
Finally, I firmly believe American linguist Benjamin Lee Whorf's notion that languages have a profound effect on thinking, and my ability to converse fluently in Mandarin, English, and Spanish has allowed me to first handedly experience this effect. To start with, my understanding of Chengyu, Chinese Idiomatic Expressions, helps me to understand the subtle meaning of Mandarin speech and in the same time helps me to think more like a Chinese. Besides that my expertise in Salvadoran slang gave me a sense of belonging and compels me to see from a Salvadoran's perspective. Finally my frequent acquaintances with British humour had let me stomach even the harshest jokes and laugh from the bottom of my heart.
Even though the apparent paradoxical effect on me from three apparently contradicting society had made me became, initially, confused of my own identity, I came to realize that the intertwining of the three culture is actually my identity. This several conflicting perspective is my perspective. Instead of seeing the world from one view, I see it from three. I think not just like a Taiwanese, but also like a Salvadoran and a British. I believe this gave me a bigger and broader perspective that shaped my unique ways of thinking. This is the reason why I want to study at HKU. I believe that by studying in HKU I would further broaden my perspective and incorporate the culture, language and economic situation of Hong Kong into my life. Besides, I believe that my particular ways of thinking will not only add to the diversity in HKU, but also contribute to the culture of HKU.
* This is the video of papercraft designed by me: youtube.com/watch?v=UxrElUT2SpE
Thanks for reviewing my essay! :) Overall I thought yours was very well written and expressed your unique background well. There were just a few confusing parts that I've made some suggestions for:
From the cram school filled Taiwan, I learned the importance of studying hard and good habits for studying; while my school(This confused me. Did you mean to put a certain type of school?) showed me the importance of working hard not for competitions or awards, but for my passions and for the fun of learning.
First of all(Not sure you need this) El Salvador's rampant crimes and unstable political stance has made me value the importance of living in the moment and appreciating what I have; while Taiwan's recent conversion to democracy let me remember the struggle and the cost of attaining such freedom, such as the Kaohsiung Incident: where death and imprisonment of many important activist eventually led to democracy in Taiwan.this part was confusing. may want to split into two sentences or reword -- while in Taiwan the Kaohsiung Incident, which involved the death and imprisonment of many important activists, to attain a democracy has showed me the struggle and cost of attaining freedom. (or something like that...)
Besides that, El Salvador's poverty had taught me to be thrifty ? and economical and inspired me to help change the world.
...El Salvador. The more economically prosperous in Taiwan have demonstrated usefulness of money in many occasions.
Lastly The many opportunities offered by the British School gave me many chances to improve myself;
Even though the apparent paradoxical effect on me from three apparently contradicting societies had made me, became, initially, confused of my own identity, I came to realize that the intertwining of the three culture actually is my identity.
This several conflicting perspective is my perspective.This sounds like it's worded weird. Maybe say something like "These three conflicting perspectives have become my one perspective.
Again, like the other essay I like how you talk about how you grew and how your journey in life has shaped your personality but it got kind of boring towards the end. The main reason I got bored was because you kept on listing things you did, I'd rather you write about a few significant things than just list. Also, in the third paragraph, when you wen from El Salvador to Taiwan and back to El Salvador made the essay weaker and it was as though you were all over the place. Try and talk about one place at a time and again remember to be concise. Dont include anything that isn't imperative to your message.
awesome, thank you very much. I had the same thought that listing so much stuff might be boring. I think I will concentrate on one big event for culture, language, and economic situation
