In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
I spent the past summer interning at Stanford University, working for Professor Prinz on the Carnegie Project. The primary goal of this project is to produce a more efficient solar cell using the most advanced technology of our time. From the beginning, my work captivated me. I designed and fabricated the insulation for a scanning device used to measure quantum dots of material. While I played only a small role compared to the larger scheme of the project, being part of something potentially world-changing felt incredible. I was helping to change the world and inspired to continue to do so.
I know its a little short and was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to extend it or correct anything grammatically.
Thanks.
Danny
Very good... concise and says everything you need to say. I think the last sentence is a little weird though... What about something like:
Helping to improve our world has inspired me to pursue such endeavors in the future.
Although that's a little wordy... Even "I was helping to change the world and am inspired to continue to do so." would be better...
Other than that though, I think it's great!
Great, thanks a lot. Do you think its too short? Its 103 words.
I don't think it's too short... If you feel that you need to add another sentence, make it about what working on the project meant to you. You do touch on this at the end, but if you were to add more, I think that's where it should go.
great job and great essay!
being part of something potentially world-changing felt incredible.
The subject is somewhat confused.
Its supposed to be only 150 words, so I think thts enough.
Good essay. but I don't feel like you've concluded your essay. Seems to me like the last sentence of your essay is unfininished.
I changed it to "Helping to improve our world, even minutely, has inspired me to pursue such endeavors in the future."
Is that better?
I like it :)
Yeah sounds much better.
Good job! Hope you get in.
Thanks everyone!
